Im scared...... things going to well

Peeps I aint got time to blog properly tonight but just a quick note to say OMG.... Something has happened to me...and I am scared its short term...I have been walking all around my village all day... I have been everywhere...to the alotments and to do the Avon WITHOUT me bike and in some places on ME OWN! This is the most I have walked on me own in ONE YEAR!!!! I am feeling so much better and lighter and fitter! Hardly no palps! Ive been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy!!!!! So will speak tomo as I have so much on tonight but just needed to share this wonderful stunning and amazing news (LOL.....do u get the gist)

I BEEN A TRAVELLING!!!!!

I have had a bloody good day hunny bunnys apart from this-morning when we found little Eunice dead ( the weakest chick) so I was in tears this morning! We have got some eggs in incubators in Essex and Temple Newsam, Leeds by breeders so hopefully we will be succesful this time!

Anyway...back to the good news...I went on the Motorway for 100 miles there and 100 back and was absolutly fine....in fact the palpatations today has been next to none!

Photo is of me and Neil in the van LOL....so another gud un!!!! Well pleased ...and it was great to see some other counrty side and views. xxxxx

YOU WOULD BE SOOOOO PROUD OF ME

Somot has happened to me today peeps.... Mum rang me this-morning and asked me if I wanted to go to Worksop...you know the town nr me that I aint been to for 4 months.... but she was going in a car park to far from the centre so I went into instant agri' mode! I said to Mum that I would have to stay in the car and wait for them..she said that she might be about an hr as she was getting new glasses. Then Neil rang and said he was gonna meet me in town as I needed to give him my catalog money...so to cut a long un short....Dad drove to the wrong car park...the nearer one and they left me...I was crapping it...so I thought..DISTRACTION and made an important phone call I needed to make ..before long Neil pulled up at the side of me in his car and I asked him to walk with me into the town...he did and I went to about 4 shops....and walked back to the car! Then we went off to Retford and I did allsorts...went to loads of shops and even was left on my own in a shop where I tried some cloths on...got a bit panicky in the changing room as I was undressed and thought "God, what if I panic now and have to run out,half naked" LOL God forbid !!! But I rode it out whilst watching me face getting redder and redder in the mirror! bought some jeans and a top, then went in the charity shop and found a better pair of jeans for £3,29 so I took the others back (tight cow eh) LOL...so guys I am really really proud of myself!....and to add tomo I am going to Catterick tomo wiv Neil so I will be very far from home...watch this space!!! I know you all just want to hug me LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I have a lovely hubby ....for today!

I came home from my sisters last night as my nephew is staying with me....and "The Legend" had done all me garden....all the horrible weedin ,the lot! It looks lovely! I have a lot of comments about my garden in the summer as it does stand out....lots of gardens are the same in this village, as are the houses ...but ours is very cottagey and if it grows it grows and if it dont it dont! thats my moto! So I am well please!..... had a nice day at Alenas yesterday although I hardly moved LOL but I did lots of drawing with the children so I think they enjoyed it! I did LOL ...will post a photo of me garden later xx

Don't you just hate it when your other half is bloody right!

Yes , yes I will get eating it! .... Paul was right 2 of the chicks died this morning....very very sad...we think now that the incubator is not working right so we are gonna go to Essex to the place we actually bought the eggs from (will be a long long way) and buy some week old chicks instead! Will be a big challenge going all that way but should be ok wiv my family in the car, Neils gonna take us. So will keep you posted..been a real journey with these chicks I can tell ya! The piccy is Mummy and Daddy wiv one of the well chicks today ahhhhhh! and a special one wiv mummies! Been a sad day in that respect but in another respect a gud un! These are the few things I have achieved today......

1. went tesco wiv neil & felt fine......actualy felt "normal"

2.went to the cafe and had toast and a drink and felt ok

3.went to sharons on foot....no bike!

4.went to the edge of the woods on bike (as its further than Sharons) and met paul who was well suprised to see me sat on the wet grass wiv a big smile

I was fluttering and had to have some rescue remedy but held in there x

I am writing this with a chick under me chin!!! both of em (chins) lol!

NEGATIVE!!!!! OVA AND OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im bored, fat,scared,fed-up,skint,panicky,hungry,bedraggled,fluttering!,impatient, married and a LOONATIC! Apart from that Im ok...had a couple of bad days...flutters galore....Paul is doing me head in ...he has put me in a negative mood with his bloody pesimistness(if there is such a word) about the chicks...."oh their gonna die rach....oh they look week...their not eating" then he goes and drinks 4 cans of lager cos he's scared thier gonna die! Like thats gonna help! THEY ARE FINE, healthy, and fit and growing...!
Libby was naughty today too....she came home from school and moaned that I had cooked a dinner, so I threw it though the kitchen window (plate an all, window was open LOL) she was a nasty bugga the way she said it....I think I shocked her! but don't think she will do it again !

Oh I need a good old moan....done me Avon today and got out a bit with Neil, Actually one good thing happened this morning(dont all drop dead with shock of the positivness, if there is such a word again!) but this morning I walked loads doing me Avon all round the streets...was ace...not a flutter...its always when i eat the flutters start....does anyone else get the heart stuff with anxiety...please let me know if you get these symptoms....if these symptoms passed I could get onto the road to recovery! Right guys better go before I depress u all ! Sorry to be a moaning bugga..but hey thats what its all about ...bloggeretting! xxxxxxxxxx nan nights....xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I AM A MUMMY !!! THE UGLY BUGGERS HAVE ARRIVED!

LOST £3.....I MEAN 3 LB....LOL

Im happy peeps,,, it's on it's way down....lost 3 pound...had a relaxed weekend so back on the veg tomo. Went to my sisters yesterday and had a nice day....and guess what...I went for a small walk with me nephew to the woods at the back of me sisters house, I was ok...but I kept looking back at the house untill it came out of view then that was it...I couldn't go any further but I think I did well.... in fact I know I did x Well the other 5 ugly buggers are due off tomorrow...we also have 4 of a freinds eggs in there too and one has started chipping already so things are looking up....hopefuly I will be a Mummy of 5 U.B 's tomo xxxx piccy is my lovely sister, Alena xxxx

Lettuce pray!

Well hunny bunny's the healthy eating is going well.... had some major headaches so that is a sign I have cut down ! I just pray that I keep it up...this is the prob .. I go so well for a while then give up...its hard when u feel depressed to stay out the choccy box etc... But I am gonna give it my best shot! Will weigh myself on Mon and let u know what I have lost. Anxiety been Med about 5/10 ... done a lot of cleaning and sorting out and I have had a little more energy since eating veg n fruit till it comes out my****!!!! ...Me and Paul have been aurguing a bit..I nearly packed me bags today but we sorted stuff out in the end (ish) ...17yrs married next month so I suppose we should be able to sort stuff out by now..... LOL .....Did any of u have the snow last night... I woke up with small Panic attack last night and it was about 1" thick I coudnt believe me eyes... my panic attacks in the night are getting fewer and lasting less time .. so that is improvement! so nan nights guys and hopefully we will all have a gud wkend xxxx Piccy is an example of me in a few days !!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Ive eaten enough of the bloody stuff!

A BIG STEP ! A BRAVE GIRL!

Yes I am praising myself! Today I asked my mate Neil to take me to Worksop..the nearest town close to me that I havn't been to since DECEMBER.... the last time I went was pure panic and I have actually throught the years had some of my worst panic attacks in this town...But today I just needed to go to one shop (not in the town centre) and I could get out the car and pop into the shop and out again! But ..... on the way there the symptoms started!!!!! First as I got in the car at my house I started with the ectopics...then I calmed down and as I got about 2 miles away I nearly said to Neil to turn back as my heart was pounding a little and I was hot....I said "Oh Neil what a lovely day, can I open the window"...but after 2 mins Neil was freezin! LOL but i thought NOPE I aint telling Neil to turn back yet...sO I carried on ...got to the shop and got out the car...My chest went as tight as a bugga ... but I carried on, got me tiles and said! "Neil if I could let you have a minute in my body to let you taste the battle that is going on you would be amazed" ...Neil said " Why have you been panickin" told him how I had felt and he said "well you have done well then Rach"....which made me feel good.....I am trying to accept the fact that when I push myself and get all the feelings of panic to understand these are only symptoms and I am sure with practice and perseverence they may fade away. I have done well on me diet these past two days and I feel loosing weight will help my anxiety.... as I may not look it as I am tall but I don't mind telling you guys I am 17.5 stone.... I have put weight on this yr due to lack of walking around etc....So hopefuly a new Rach might help things eh! piccy is of Worksop town center!

HAD A FAB DAY GUYS!

I am pleased with my self ... Ma n Pa asked me if I wanted to go out with th em today around shops etc..... I was really worried about it but thought Rach just bloody go.....so I did and I am really glad I did! In fact they tired me out...I was in and out of the back of the car like a fiddlers elbow and went into several shops and supermarkets and was fine....although I never ate a thing...I thought if I eat I will spoil it and have a load of debilitating palps..... so I ate when I came home and because I hadn't eaten for a while they hit me real bad... I started a diet to day anyhow...well healthy eating as I call it...Im trying not to label it a diet cos the word itself can be translated to "failure" LOL..... Im ok now and have just had me herbel tea and going to bed...the house is a mess as we had more loft insulation fitted today and we had to empty the loft of all our bloody antiquities and me own Granny was up there I think ( only jokin) so lots of cleanin up this wk! so speak to mo guys...gonna try another walk with Sahron this wk (if your available shaz) as she is better now and out of hospital. nan nights peeps!............pic is me n ma n pa.........spooky int it lol Like munsters!!!!

LOVING MEMORY OF THE UGLY BUGGERS

Bless em....guys ... they didn't make it...they died in the shells before hatching due to a prob with the incubator!!!!!!!!!! Both devastated yesterday but we have five more in thier and hopefully they are ok! They are due off on 21st April....... short post.... poor buggers I don't know about ugly!

NO UGLY BUGGERS AS YET !

We have had a stressful day... the eggs aint hatched yet!!!!!! we are all ready to recieve them but they arn't even pipping out yet..we are scared in case they are dead! But I rang the lady who we bought the eggs from in Essex and she told me not to worry as they can be up to 4 days late at times! So will keep u posted......went shopping with dad to tesco's and it was a nightmare....busy..horrible but I ploughed through! ....catch up 2 mo guys...glad the MOLE amused you all with it's manhood! I have now discareded it and told Paul to get a grip! (of himself ...not the Mole's manhood LOL!) night peeps!

piccy is what the U.B's will look like!!!!!!

DID I SAY BORIN ????????

Well as I have said before about Paul... he is insane! Well today is a prime example of his loonicy..... I aint been out all day as i felt dodgy ... but I am getting better on me own... I get nervous for the first 5 mins then I make me sen busy and Im ok... any way back to the story....Paul went out to take the dogs and I thought I had better go and get the Avon books in... Off I went but started to feel crapy and panicky...so I rang Paul and he told me not to worry as he will be home soon and he has a little present for me! So with excitement all fear left me and after doing me Avon I headed for home to find Paul in the kitchen with his hands open with my present.... "I've found a mole.... we will have it stuffed" he said this with great enthusiasm...... Please anyone out there in the big wide world...would you bring a mole home for your partner? All comments welcome!!!!!! So now the mole is in several bags and is in the freezer until he finds a taxidermist (cheap).............Dear Lord ..what did I do to deserve him! .... If it's not bloody snowballs it's moles now! In me freezer! By the way that pink think in the middle is it's willy! A mole willy (LOL)

Well me chick chicks are due off tomo .... hopefuly!!!!!

LITTLE STEP BACK TO CRAP LAND!

Well I have expected it, had two days with the tightest chest....been horrid and me freind Sharon has been taken into hospital with food piosening! So that has upset me too. I have still been sleeping which is good...but i feel down, fed up and really dissapointed with things. I think the crap weather dont help matters, my blog has been borin even... I promise i'll try to liven up soon! bear wiv me guys...i'll be back soon! out of crap land into blog land!

A TASTE OF NORMALITY

I am excited to blog tonight as the past two days I have had a sniff at normality again....this morning I even walked a street away with out the bike and felt fine...I also went to my neice's party at the sports centre for two hrs....just at the last 15 mins I was overcome with heat and needed to get out so I did and sat in the car and was fine...then I went back to my sisters and had a great time with my nephew and neice. Brian my sisters hubby had built a massive fire in the back field and it has really got going then it started to snow heavily so I said the the kids ...come on lets be silly and go in the feild in the snow and keep warm by the fire....it was fab...we were wet and white! but red hot cheeks with the fire...it felt so weird... I have been sleeping too guys...really well...been marvelous.... tomo I am going for another walk with Sharon so I am nervous but gonna go...another aim of mine is to go to town one day soon...just to try it...I have been Retford with Ma n Pa but it is my local town Worksop I havn't been to since Crimbo......so for tonight Goodnight..... Piccy is of me and Jamie (nephew) beside the fire in the snow!

sorry you will av to tilt!!!! lol

IS IT FAILURE OR NOT?

Im confused.com guys..... today I did something I have wanted to do in so long...I went all around the woods with Sharon, to the swamp and then to my fav' place that I aint visited for ages (about a yr) the old oak tree that we have picnicked at sooooo many times and had many a bottle too! (today it was a bottle of water LOL) Don't get me wrong I am happy I did it and Sharon was great(can't believe I don't do her head in...she is so ace) BUT the thing me heart was doing flips and flops all the way!!!!!!! But usually when this happens I panic and wanna go home but I kept going forcing me sen!!!! So I am happy but annoyed I got them! We are going again Monday (weather permitting) but I still have to have me bike with me...I cant go anywhere with out the damn thing ... It's my securuty in case I do panic then I can get home quicker ...does that sound mad or what?.................GOD LET ME BE NORMAL AGAIN!!!!! PLEASE!!!! I know I will I'm gonna make me sen...Sharon was laughing cos I was shouting out loud... "IM GOING TO DO THIS.... I AM IM GOING "......she prob thought ..."God im in the woods wiv a right nutter ere..... LOL!!! Bless her ...Thanks Sharon for being a brill freind! Im sorry if im doing your peanut in! But this is me for now but I will get better then watch out!!!!

Piccy took today on me bike wiv me famous wellies!