sorry for neglect

I have a cold...feel run down...will post soon....just nought to say... panicked last night as heart rate went up but think it is due to virus...read on net it makes your pulse faster! ... so ill be back shortly ... need to get feeling fitter... x x x x x

Another good week ...Im gettin worried!

The title is really true.. you are thinkin,.. she really is nuts,, but I mean it... i feel that good im scared... scared for the biggy...im not 100% normal loony Rach.. i have a long way to go ... but I feel like I have got to the top of the pit ( or hole) with my eyes peekin out but scared of the lion on the other side! ...if that makes sense! .... This week I went out mon to tesco with Mother... and visited a lovely charity shop on way there... Wed I went to my freinds to help her on her computer.... Thursdy I went to the BIG tesco and did my BIG shop..... and the even better news is this...... you know I have a safety blanket called "my bike" well i can only go so far in the village on the bike ...say 2 streets away...the reason being ...if I panic and my heart starts racing then peddlin home will make it race more.... so this is what is in my head when out on the bike.... so for a while now I have been thinkin I could do with an electric bike...so if i panic I can press the button and with out effort get home! ... but they are around 300 sqid... the lady across the rd has one and I often look at her on it thinkin " if only".... well the other day I went to see her about something and she told me she had got a new one...350.00... so my eyes lit up and I said are you selling the other one...she smiled and said..I was thinkin of you and wondered and she is sellin for 100.00.......... yippieeeeeeee.e..... Im havin it if I can get this money together before she sells it to someone else...this is as good as a car for me..... I can have it in a couple of weeks when hers comes... I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo excited..I just need to scrape together 100.00.... as I am truely broke at the moment... but I shall have to find a way! ... might sell me body! that got your attention LOL... (was a joke) ..... so I shall be able to go further a feild and prob go places on my own... def the shops! .... so guys watch this space! heres hopeing next week is as good as the last! x
WHy do i always give you photos of me!! ... i just thought i looked well on this one... bright n cheerful! LOL.... just a poser really..paul said!

Is this it I wonder

First of all thanks all for your comments regarding my Blog Anniversary/Birthday..so kind and sweet. Well the good news is im still doing ok...... Im not doing loads and going loads of places yet but its the symptoms that are feeling so much better. Last night I went to Andreas to her Parents leaving doo and they got out the wii fit ...I thought "Oh no"... they all went on doing the stuff and they were saying " Go on Rach!" but i was thinking.... no what if I have a panic attack.......... well I never , I beat the whole bloody lot of them.... couldnt believe it!!!! dont think they could either! .... after the first lot I did get a few flutters but after that, I never noticed if I did or didn't..... next week I am gonna help Paul up at the allotments so that is excercise too. ..... I just hope this is the way to go ... I have felt a difference with my heart beat... I feel like its getting back to a steady rythm.... maybe because the stresses have eased a little... I just need to keep occupied. The lady who I help in the community is actually off for 5 weeks in Cyprus so I will be a little lost there for def! But I am gonna try to go up to school myself.... that will be a challenge to go up School Rd by myself as that is where all the trouble started for me, so will give it a go. ...... Oh freinds I pray we all get better this yr..... I really do. We need a break don't we. I know I might never go anywhere by myself etc as I have been like that for 10 yrs or so.... but just to get rid of these awful heart doo's will be fab!..... im half way there...this time last yr, was having them all day, through the night....now it's odd batches... it's the walking i need to combat now. ...sorry for wafflin! ....se ya soon x x x x x

Happy Birthday to my blog!!

Well the easter eggs have been scoffed... the rain came ( that was summer) the leaves fell...and the jingling of bells (rudolf coming to my house) Yes....a whole yr has passed!!!!! I have been blogging for a whole yr! ....wow.... I have met (virtually) some fantastic people who have inspired me...I would like to thank some special people on here..... we have coffecup, Diver,Robert,Sarah who have been followers of my little insane corner of my satalite!.... i can honsestly say.... I feel like I am on the road to recovery.... I am having more good days than bad days.... I just need to take time and not over push myself...I shall still be bloggin if you dont mind! .... I am prepared for set backs...they are normal! .... in fact when i have a whole week where I am sooo bad all this goes out the window but I can say since my HUGE panic attack on Christmas eve I have been fab! ..hardly any palps...and gettin about..although I have took small steps. I still know how I feel in my head... intead of staying in i am having a yearning to go out...cant wait for summer.... looking forward to trying to go for walks in the woods....etc...so does hubby! ...... so happy birthday to my blog...thankyou blogspot for the oppertunity to express my self to so many and also I have had feedback from people saying my blog has helped them...so there is a reason for it all isnt there x x x x x x x x