Thursday, 23 October 2008

Symptoms worse but tuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for your lovely comments, I have done so much but the old anxiety is getting me real good but I dont care ( in a sense) they are gonna be because I am taking my self OUT of my normal comfort zone of sitting on the livng room floor doing my crafts and walking to the kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!! Well over the last couple of wekks I have started up a little group with our neighbours as we actually had a stabbing on the corner of our st and it is always the same two families in the village that are constantly causing criminal damage and also violence...It is the main reason for my illness as I talk about in one of my firstposts as I had terrible trouble from one of these families. Any how I gathered some people and organised a meeting in the community centre and got some of the counsellers involved... well last night was the meeting and I heard the chief inspector from police was coming and asbo officer etc... so I was soaking in the bath last night and the old heart was doing a dance an I thought I cant do this...I cant after a few drops of rescue rememdy and a smack i me face I went..... when I got there ..there was about 40 people from allover the village... I was shitting my self... and they put me on the top table with the police etc...... i thought OH MY GOD>>>>IM AGRAPHOBIC I DONT DO THIS>>>> well guys once it started.... i was taking the room by storm I was talking with no fear to this room of people...people were listening to ME as I was stirring them up to form a neighbourhood watch was fab and not ONE PALP!!!!!!!!!!! today I am off up to the school to dress the hall up for the school halloween disco...... like I said the symptoms are bad at the moment but I am sure it is because I am pushing my self to the limit...but I have to do it...other wise im gonna rot and go stale! ill keep u informed ...... xxxxx LOL pic is me thrilled!!!!!


diver said...

Crazy isn't it. Sometimes we can be self assured, friendly, cheeky, forward, and even bubbly with people ... and then at other times we'll psychologically implode in the anonymity of a quiet supermarket. It's a mystery.

So so good on you for rising to the occasion like that Rachel. You had no fear in a room full of people ... wow, awesome. Sounds like your cause was just and you sensed community support behind you. What a great way to face your demons. Huh, you did more, you faced up to them and slapped them down bigtime. Well done!

Robert said...

Where do you get your enthusiasm & energy from???? Wish my other half would try just half as much as you!!

Rachel's Diary said...

thank you both of you.... tash you are so right in what you say... and I know " a room full"! LOL... I MUST be getting better in my head... need my body to follow LOL..... Robert ...I dont know where its coming from...well i prob do in one sense... Paul and me went through a rough time... i has been affecting our marriage and I didnt want to loose him so i am pushing my self slowly, but it does take time hun, give her time, if she can step out JUST an inch beyind her limitations and then see how she goes ... get involved,,, hobbies,,, but keep in the safe zone but make some love her but it must get you down babes... its normal to xxxxx glad to hear from you xxx