Sunday, 29 June 2008


I have done it ... managed to throw my self into a new venture.... I have started selling my chocolates (truffles) to friends and family.... But the amazing thing is it has took off like you wouldn't believe...folks are going crazy for them... they are all made with natural ingredients and they are stunning...made to order...tommorow a freind is taking me out to Sheffield (scared) to get some packaging ...I want natural packaging brown bags etc... ihave designed my label and my sister painted my logo,, the name of me company (LOL, sounds weird) is poppypoppops...there is a reason for the quirky name ! Honest.... peeps love it, and remember it! ....the piccy is my logo x

Flavours are:
Sailors delight: Rum
Icecream dream : Vanilla
Macapone Madness: Mascapone/lemon
Irish blarney: irish cream
Chocolate heatwave: chilli
Scotttish bliss: whisky
Romantic rose: Rose
Dark and handsome: plain
Chocoholic: All types of choc together
Nutty Nora: Almond
Orange seduction: Orange
Bee's knees: Honey
Do you like the sound.....
80p per choc of your choice in brown rustic bag or gift box of 6 for £5.50 .... P&P £2.50 for uk
Please email me for any orders....pic's of truffles to follow x

Thursday, 26 June 2008


Today is the anniversary of my loving sister Dawn Wright on the left...she died 4 yrs ago today suddenly with heart failure due to a long illness. Her Daughter Bridgette (my niece ) on the right died 2 yrs before her of anorexia... My sister is buried holding the ashes of her daughter. It has been a sad sad sad day . Bye folks

Dawn I miss you so much, I love you both and will never forget you...every sunset and sunrise, every lovely flower reminds me of your spirit. I know you see me, I know you see me hurting, the best thing of all is you have no more suffering and no more pain but we are left with the longest strongest pain of all, loosing you. The stars sing your praises of your kindness on a clear night and I see you twinkle in the corner of my eye and I smile...the fun,laughs,silly silly times we had, the banging doors and cross words now seem like a feather blowing away in the breeze into the sea of forgetfulness. Nan nights for now little big sis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 23 June 2008

Help me guys ...Im fed up

Im at my wits end...bored...tired and fed up with these ectopics... my life is being taken over again by them.... i am so so so so so so so so so so so fed up..... I really need a job, I think getting back into something will help me get my self sorted.... as I see the pattern that when I am well and truly distracted I am ok.... Well today I went to the super market with ma n pa and I was doing so well, no flutters nothing...then all of a sudden I was walking down an aisle when a massive huge rush of adrenaline went through my body and a feelin of faintness came upon heart pounded a little and my head was swimming...I actually said out loud " Oh dear God whats happening" then everything went back to normal and was fine...but when mum caught up with me I was shakin so she saw me in a state, which I didn't want her too.... I said " Mum ..I just rode out an attack" deep down I was in great Mothers style...she said well come on then and stop talking about it.... so that was it! Went home and had a cream bun! My Mother is so matter of fact, and so get on with sooooooooo wish I was like her, instead I am the image of my Father, a nervous wreck! who is also susceptible to flutters , in fact when he had pneumonia last yr his heart went fully out of sync for about 4 wks but it went back be for they were gonna do the electric shock treatment on him, so it prob is hereditary. Libby has nearly finished her exams and she is still being a typical teen wiv the attitude etc, she is stayin out tonight at her mates house! so I am on edge about that too.... wish she was tucked up here in her little bed xxxx well guys gonna go as I need to be tucked up in mine xxxx

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Another yr passin with no summer!

Well these pics is an image of my garden as you walk up my path... was so stunning the other day I just had to snap a pic!... even though half the flowers arn't even out yet! we do need some sun though for def! Every yr seems the same lately, rain, cloud and then red hot in sept, then suddenly late oct....winter arrives! I swear it dont help your anxiety levels when its like this....come on summer, please shine on us humans! Well I hope we all have a gud wk ... I am praying for a better wk in myself xxxxx

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Did probs! And bought clothes!

Well today Dad picked me up and took me to Morrisons, I had my niece Ruth with me (9yr old Chaperone) as she was off school wiv earache (yeah rite, it was more cos she was doing a play at school an didn't want to do it...bless) I was in the car on the way I suddenly found my lips pertrude outwards and my head turned towards my Dad and these words came tumbling out..." Dad, can we go into town first and have a walk around" GULP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!! DID!!!!!!!!! I !!!!!!!!! SAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ...OMG, I can't my heart wont take it...Panic...! But then a peace started up inside of me...I thought Rachel...if you start walking and you panic you turn back and go back to the as I got out the car Dad asked me to go for the ticket...looking at his crippled legs and him with his stick I thought Id better to the machine and the bloody thing was broken...I looked around for another and It was at the other end of the car park.... the old flutters started then, but I thought NO just go...and they stopped! I got back to the car rather flushed..but ok...and then we set off.... As I started I could feel my heart thumping and the ectopic beats came but not for long atall...after the first shop and a little bit of engrosment ( and spending) they went ! I even tried clothes on and bought 3 tops for 13.00 straight away...then walked back to the car pretty fast...went round Morrisons did a massive shop of £120...bagged it, put it in the car! And was fine.... SO I am a happy woman....I can walk about with out dying! and having a heart attack, it is al in the mind and I hate it! SO this is my very long winded story for today! LOL... I bet i do your heads in ! I do me own in xxxxxx The piccy is me today...a happier ME!

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

One day fine the other day crap

Have you noticed peeps how anxiety takes turns...I seem to have a crappy day then a gud day....Yesterday my heart was doing flips and flops and really was going funny in bed last night,, in fact this morning when I awoke I was actually scared to move because I thought it would go all funny again, but to my suprise I got up, went on my bike down the street with Sharon,went into the chemist (which I hate cos I think the pharmasist is gonna look at me and say I need medical attention-part of medical phobia) But no flutters, no flips and no flops,in fact I took my pulse on the chemist clock (how sad eh) and it was 72 BPM how perfect is that eh! and I have been not too bad all day! So strange, but when I am havin a gud day I think to myself, Rach, your heart is fine, it's almost as if my heart has become over sensatized if that makes sense as last night in bed I was getting all this irregular heart beat and then I did a massive birp, had a rennie and it was better, back to normal.... wind was makin my heart do these things, weird! So I hope I will have a gud day to mo as its the big supermarket shop x
By the way today I defrosted my freezer and gave some things to Sharon to put in her freezer for me whilst mine defrosts... Sharon said whats that..a ball wrapped up in silver foil...I said ..Oh dont let that defrost..its me snowball from easter...she just looked at me and said ....SAD! LOL

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Happy Birthday Daddy

Had a lovely weekend...did lots of baking and entertaining and on Sat It was my Dad's B day (78yrs) so Ma n Pa came and had a little tea, I made him a cake and did salad and homemade bread and also made a flan with goose eggs from our geese was flippin divine...we all really enjoyed it all. Over the weekend I FELT PRETTY GOOD WITH HARDLY ANY PALPS AT ALL!!!! YIPPIE But the past couple of days they are back with a vegence.... not as bad as I have had them in the past...but they are there. I Feel like I am getting there though...I think I am at the point that one day soon these syptoms will fade like it did before yrs ago...I flippin hope so! Life is so strange...this past 2 weeks I have heard of two people who I know of very well die and it makes you really think what is it all about really.... and why are we here... I know all the religions and faiths have the anwser but I have been there and done all that and still have questions un answered!.....any how I wont get into a religious rant today....Libby has got to go to the hospital as her skin complaint has been diagnosed as she will need treatment for that and of course horrible mummy (me) can't take her cos I dont do doctors Paul is taking her...bless her little soul. She does her last exam next wk then she officially leaves school...gosh where has my little baby gone xxx

Here are some pics from me dads tea xxx bye for now hunny bunnies xxxx

Thursday, 12 June 2008

A little bit of me coming back

Well today I had a moment, a moment of feeling me was only for a short while...does any one know what I mean... I was sat at my Mothers after drying her hair and I thought WOW I aint felt my heart even beating never mind doing any flips or anything... And I felt ace and normal and me.. but this wk I have tried to do the things I used to do ... me and Paul are talking about getting back into growing veggies again next yr, I am starting to collect me jars to make me jams and chutneys again like I used to do ...and I even made some bread tonight by hand which IS STUNNING!!! Me and Paul love being self sufficient and we feel like we have lost something of our selves...I want it back, I want to grasp life with everything I have and enjoy it and try to move on...the biggest hurdle in my life at the moment is walking anywhere without my bike.... I am so scared to walk on own...IS THIS PART OF AGRAPHOBIA? I dont know or am I just nuts or am I dying of heart desease.... the only thing that convinces me I am ok is the fact that when I aint tuned into my own body I am fine..... OH I HOPE I BECOME SANE AGAIN 36 yrs old and wasting all these yrs....I hate it! piccy is me and mummy

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Arse over tit.... then an answer to prayer LOL

Well guys last night I had a shock to the sysytem... I was in a customers garden collecting the Avon book and all of a sudden I lost my footing on the edge of her garden and that was it, my body hurled backwards and nearly did 360 somersault but never...thank God the floor was there, I landed "heavily" on a bike that was carelesly thrown in the garden.... The customer was just stood looking at me in shock as I was laid there with me legs pointing upwards to the bloody sky! She shouted " Oh, are you ok..." and the amazing thing is she never found it funny at all... but I was in stitches, laughing me head off! ... I said I can't believe it but yeah im fine! Neil was sat on the wall waiting for me and when he turned around he said..."what you doing on the floor wiv ya legs in the air" I said " oh, I just thought I would have a rest...daft bugga... when he found out he had missed the whole thing, he was gutted as I trhink he would have been there beside me in stitches ! Any way later last night...the pain arrived, my shoulder was awful and I really was scared as I thought I might have to go A&E.... but I thought I will sleep on it and see how I am today (even thought the arm would really have to be bad for me to go to hospital) but to my utter amazement when I awoke this morning I moved my arm and it was great,,, nothing pain at all... like nothing had happened. Later on this afternoon my Mum rang to see how I was and I said...well mum it was amazing... I could'nt move my arm before going to sleep, I was nealry in tears with the agony but when I woke it was all better...she said.... "Well thats really good as before I went to sleep Rachel, I said a prayer that God would heal your arm and you would wake up fresh ad revived" ... Well Guys, what do you make of that... It was either a coincidence.... or natural healing or devine intervention! But it really touched me that my little mummy laid in bed thinking of me and said a little prayer....maybe we should say a few prayers our selves hunny's. I pray now that all these folks who read this blog and follow my story and are sufferes of anxiety that we will find healing and faith to believe that we will get better.. Amen

Sunday, 8 June 2008

Teenagers!!!! UGH!

Hi guys, I know I have not entered the world of blogging for a while and hit and miss a little, I am confused,I am feeling a bit better about life and things are okart from Libby being a bit of a worry....she has left school now and awaiting to start college to start her training to become a social worker...but she seems to be having a bit of a moment! She is hanging around with some folk who I would rather she didn't and it is a worry, she came home Fri night, she wasnt drunk but she had been drinking and then she was sick the next morning, but talking to a 16 yr old about responsibilities as useful as a chocolate fireguard!!! Her bedroom is like a bomb site...fur in cups and plates with cures for deseases unknown to man! Her attitiude is hidious at times, but she does have a good head on her shoulders and is a good girl, I am just scared that she will go with the flow with th e wrong crowd and bugga up her life altogether. Paul thinks I worry too miuch because she is my only child...prob right, I adore her and I want the best for her..... SO ..this is actually leading to a point honest ... I am fine in my self but still keep having the palps and panic feelings, and still am scared to walk anywhere, need my bike.... do you think I am just worried about Lib ? Can any one with teenagers who reads this give me some advice...please xx

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Hi, no I aint left the planet .... Yet!

Hi Guys,..... Sorry I aint be bloggin, been really busy with the chick chicks, I went to Essex and had a fab journey, had a great time! No anxiety at all, because I had somot to do with my self, occupied! We ended up with 5 ugly buggers (the transylvanian naked necks) 2 Bantam ugly buggers ( soooooooo cute these are the little black ones) and the other 3 are a trio of another breed with beards! favorals! We have named one after Pauls aunty as SHE has a beard! His Aunty Linda! she wasn't that happy about it..... but she's ok now LOL!!! Here is a little vid of me chick chicks! xxxxxx