Thursday, 31 January 2008

A bag of revels, some french fries and a bag of plastic dinosaurs!!!

Earlier this eve I asked hubby to nip to the shop 3 doors away (very handy..too handy!!) and get some treats for us as the wind was howling outside and flecks of snow and very very he came back with a bag of revels,a bag of french fries and a bag of plastic dinosaurs!!!!! Yes I did say dinosaurs...I said WHY??? He said ... wait for it... they were colourful and I thought you would like them...can you believe this nutter!!! He obviously thought it was funny but I just thought what a waste of £1.25! although I did snigger!

I have had a strange day...I feel like Im waiting for snow! I am excited for snow...I love it and if it snows it's somot to take my mind of myself...... My Father came to visit..and fell to sleep!!!! And went home!!!!! So to be honest it has been a boring day today..actualy the more I write this blog the more I feel like the plastic dinosaurs might just come in handy!!! LOL...not really.

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

NEED TO GO ON A DIET.... but dont want to!

Its so hard you know when you like your snap..... I have been brought up with good food with Mother being Irish and all that.... I have battled with my weight for so many yrs I have gone up and down and round and rounder!!! LOL... but when it comes down to it I am quite happy but do get scared of the health problems looming.... When I get anxious I bloody eat...well sometimes my appetite goes but I do just love wonderful..I think God did put the old cocoa bean on the earth for woman only! It really hits the spot at times. I mean I ain't a great big fat git but I am overweight, hubby loves me when I'm fat or thinner ( never been thin)! I just wish I could get some inspiration from somewhere to make me do it... I go through fazes of diets and say to EVERYONE!!!! I'm gonna do it this time... I can feel it in me bones... they ll just stare at me with that smirk on thier faces! .. you know .. the one that says ,yeah rite rach LOL!!! SO I am hoping that this yr brings some divine intervention or a bloody miracle to inspire me to do it! Isn't life a git...why cant we crave salads and veg..... I do actually eat very very well and healthy just with the odd daily blip!!!!! LOL which is the prob!
Oh well if anyone has any tips please let me know as I am fed up with being Bonny! I want to be stunning (LOL)
Anxiety been fine until tonight... got the tight chest again... have slept ok for a couple of nights due to Nytol..... and I have also got me springys back now... me curly wurlys! no longer straight.

Nan nights xxxx

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Devastated at Nintendo Brain Training score!

Age score of what????.......... BLOODY 80 yrs old..... is this old professor git taking the old Micheal!!??!!...... I thought I was pretty bright ...but according to that I'm as thick as S***T!
Can I blame this score on my anxiety...please say yes ...please LOL!!!! Bought the Nintendo DS brain training game from my sister who sells em on eBay amongst many other wonderful things...... to her store.... (bit of family advertising there) and thought I would try it out...gosh I cant believe how I cant add up simple's terrible but I am good at memory.
Been a strange old day.... cleaning and doing me Avon...but I must admit I have been a pig! not stopped piggin out today... we have those days don't we...we need em!
Any way ...a short post today as nought much has happened.......mind you.. a funny thing happened this morning... I have been given by me sister a massive trampoline..huge.... me and my Friend were like Laurel and Hardy putting it up in my uneven the broken limbs waiting to happen!!!! anyway..I was washing up at the sink and through the kitchen window and I could see this thing in the corner of my eye bobbing up and down...It was my saluki greyhound jumping up and down on it wiv the ears flapping...and I swear he was smiling at me .....he had actualy climbed on the chair and started bloody bouncing!!!! He is a lunatic... oh well it fits in with the rest of the family. Bye till 2 mo.....GOSH... WHAT A LOAD OF WAFFLE LOL!!!!!!

Monday, 28 January 2008

Refresh youself in natures gift : Morning dew

I was reading an old herbal book one day looking for cures for my anxiety when I came across a piece telling you to get up early in the morning and choose a clean bit of grass, take off your shoes to your bare feet and walk the morning dew until your feet are totally immersed in natures remedy. Apparently dew has properties you wouldn't believe..... so one day I tried it...and guess is the most refreshing and cleansing experience ever...... but I haven't done it for a long time. Then today whilst having a Google I came across this :
Barefoot walk on dew- it is a perfect method for refreshing, reinvigorating and strengthening human body. One morning, go to a place with clean grass (no splinters, thistles, etc.), take off our shoes and walk barefoot into the dew, for a few minutes. Without wiping off our feet, put on our shoes and take a few more steps or a short walk, to make our blood work well. In the beginning, the walk should last for only 2-3 minutes, but as time goes by, any walk should last longer - not more than 15 minutes, or else we risk to get cold. The perfect moment to do that, is at dawn. It is a perfect remedy for strengthening our body; it becomes more resisting to cold, infections of the kidneys, genitals or bladder disease. It is helpful to clear out emotions and negative thoughts and improve mind peace and produces energy.It is perfect in case of: chronic urinary and kidney disturbance (nephritis, cystitis, and urethritis), blood circulation through feet, infectious dermatitis, diseases caused by sedentary life, proclivity for bronchitis or lung disease, inaptness, asthenia, fatness, psychical stress and tiredness, neurosis, etc
Also this:
Face and hand wash- wash every morning, little before dawn.- rub your hands against clean grass, like you were washing your hands with water. Then, wash both face and hands with dew. In the end, do not wipe them off, but let them dry out into the sun. Do it daily although once would suffice. It is moreover a symbolic gesture. It is a perfect remedy against:- skin damage;- headaches (wash your face, front head and nape, 3 days in a row);- refreshes skin - complexion is shinier if washed with dew; collect the dew two days before Full Moon;- eye pains;- skin damage and wounds;
Rolling into wet grass (dew wet)It is a well-known custom. Animals do it all the time. The grass should be clean, without any splinters or thistles. Dress up into a bathing suit, lay back-down and roll over so that you should get wet all over the body. In the beginning, the exercise should last for only 2-3 minutes (the maximum time is 5 minutes). After you roll over, get dressed with clean clothes (natural cloth) and do not wipe with towel. Then do some jogging exercise to warm your body. It is a perfect remedy. It is mainly recommended in case of skin damage, such as:- psoriasis, epithelium, allergy, and serious dermatosis;- waist line pains (sciatica and lumbar sciatica), kidney and bladder problems (nephritis, pyelo-nephritis, and cistitis);- salpingitis;- chronic rheumatism, muscle pains;- different nervous problems;- psychical and physical asthenia;- sedentary life, appetite disturbance;- slow digestion
Well guys I might just give it a go.... don't know about the rolling bit as I might just meet a Mr. Brown in my garden with 3 doggies in it! But will def try the feet again!

Minging Panic attack in the night again

just a quick log; woke up an hr after sleep with foul panic attack.... laid back down to ignore and then I just felt the old heart start up like an engine... it went faster and faster...couldn't calm down...took a while... ended up taking the dropper off the rescue remedy and drinking it from the bottle which was quite funny....after a few flutterings It all calmed down....hate the night panics! Bought some more nytol for tonight! So fingers crossed x

Sunday, 27 January 2008

You know that ME day!!!!!!! Just seen a flyin pig!!!!


I just knew it.... when I wanted a ME day...!!!!

Started out fine.. went to my Friends and her son is training to do hair dressing so I asked him to straighten me hair...which is a task as I do have naturally curly hair and lots of it... he did it ( took just over an hour) feel like Pocahontas on steroids but it's a change! ! ! when every morning I usually get up and feel like somot from Greek mythology (Medusa) !

Any way.... I was just chilling, it was about 12pm when me mate got a phone call..her son was playin on his bike ( well messing about) fell off on a spike or somot and literally NEARLY ripped off his knee cap! (SHOWN) he has been in surgery tonight and got to have plastic surgery too. SO ANYWAY......THEN IT BEGAN!!!!! Panic stricken Friend ran out the house to leave her 11 yr old with me till 10.30pm... so for 10 hrs I have been trying to hold myself together for the sake of this family! I really didn't mind it... it was just typical..... anxiety been hideous...tight throat and slow hard thumping heart as If it is going to stop with tension in me chest..........apart from that im ok LOL xxxxxx Tomorrow is another day! Beginning of a new week so fingers crossed.... ! for Us all xxxxx feel like leaving kisses tonight for all the peeps that read my blog daily...Thank you I hope it helps ! It helps me x

Saturday, 26 January 2008

Every one wants a piece of me!!!!!!

Gosh... what a demanding day!

9.00am : woke up to find the bath I had put on eBay for a friend of a friend had sold and buyer was kicking a fuss up cos she wanted it delivering so was doing phone calls till

10.00 : stumbled to kitchen to see pots and washing up to be done from night before and muddy paws prints from doggies on floor, realized had invited the parents and in laws for tea ( Mother in laws B day)
10.20 : Noticed the electric was about to run out and needed to put money in the meter!
10.21 LOL : noticed I had no money to get the electric to put in the meter to cook the tea for the parents and inlaws.
10.30: Went groveling to sister with sob story and she lent me a tenner till pay day Mon ! PHEW
10.45: Went to the shops on me bike crapping me self cos I was on me own! But did it...everyone stopped me and wanted to chat... I was stood freezing outside of every shop listening about stuff from divorces to the old biddy down the road that just pegged it!... I TRY to show interest... must work cos they keep talking..... I have one of those faces ! I always get the village idiot on the bus sitting nr me!
11.45: Remembered need to bake a cake for the tea.......
11.46: Realized I had no eggs to bake the cake
11.47: Back on bike to Friends who has chickens to buy eggs with me last £1.40 as I wont buy from the shop because of Jamie Bloody Oliver who at this point I could poke in the eyes!
11.55: Realized I promised a friend I would pop round to her husband who has just come out of hospital to make sure he is ok as he is still unwell
11.56: I ring him, he is fine...
11.57: I txt her to say wont be going and he is ok
11.57: cross txt,s .. she txts me and says thanks for going to see him I am grateful!!!!!
11.58: rings her to say we just crossed txts ... she is fine wiv it all ! Phew...send libby round with scones!
12.00...... Cook!!!! Clean ....Bake!!! with the help of a Friends 10 yr old who I promise 3.00 on Monday when I get paid..... so that's 13.00 I owe back!
5.00: Bids come for tea and eat morsals..... so I eat more cake than should!
6.00: Mother's brought her rollers and asks me to set her hair...... But!!! Can I wash it first!
6.33: Me child pops in ...ain't seen her properly for 2 days and asks for 1.oo .. she knows I aint got no money till Monday so both Grandmas dig into thier little purses and she gets 2.00 ( thats what she was aiming for)
9.00pm: Paul asks me to make him a cup of tea
9.00 1/2: I tell him to pee off !
Anxiety been ok as I have not had much time to think about it!
Tommorrow is MY day!!!!!!!!!!! never mind God's!!!!!! LOL

Friday, 25 January 2008


Well I am...... what a crappy...stupid...stressful...useless day!!!!!My throat has been so tight and chest been so heavy..heart been beating slow and hard like it is going to stop! I intend to make tomorrow a better day! Windows are in thank goodness! PLEASE GOD HELP ME FEEL BETTER TOMO!

short post today as I could cry ... Ill be okay though...used to it! Everyones blog is the flippin same! That's January for you!

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Anxiety back to boiling point!!!!! AGGGGHHH!!!!

Woke up in the night with a short panic attack, it didn't last long but it has upset me... I feel down about it because I keep getting on that road to recovery and them wham! back to the bloody stinkin old start!..... Libby had been a pain in the arse at school yesterday and the teacher gave me a call.. she was wondering around out of lesson... that set me off.. and when she came home she started with us too...HORMONES eh! We ignored her until she was sorry and now everything is fine but it makes things unbalanced in the home when her attitude stinks and when she is a bugger! On the general side she ain't a bad kid, just needs to get over this stage! She has all the support in the world!

Well I was on my own today for a couple of hrs so I baked some macaroons. scones, a lemon cake and some coconut tarts and did a lovely roast dinner with me FREE RANGE! CORN FED CHICKEN!!!! Now then...taste out of 10....was a def' 11...but it had nought on it! it had no breasts! in the human world it would def' be a 32 A! I suppose this is because it wasn't a big fat thing with no exercise! It has been running and playin ball and keeping fit! does more than me (38F cough cough) LOL!!! But it was it goes down to the old saying "its quality not quantity"

Well nan nights for now... hope I sleep...gonna do a little bit of online shopping with Adsa tonight can't cope with a shopping trip from hell this week. By the way... new windows will be going in 2 mo as Monday it rained!

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Even the stars in the sky can sing? WOW!

Well its true... you learn somot new every day !

Today I went to church with my Mother In Law to help her to clean it as she gives every Wed' up to do so ... bless her! Any how I stayed on with her as in the afternoon they have a ladies meeting... I was fine listening to them with their little bible study and praying for their families etc which was nice... and all of a sudden a wave of panic swam over me and my heart started pounding really fast I thought oh no please ...not here in front of all these ladies... so do you know what I did... I sat there and rode it out... I was so proud of my self for not jumping up and going out of control.

The stars sing!
Any how whilst I was there they were talking about new evidence from scientists regarding the stars in the sky ..... do you know they produce radio waves that when recorded they sound like they are singing... but the more amazing thing was that in the bible in the book of talks about the stars singing!.... I think this is great! Job is one of the oldest books of the bible and scientists have just found this out!..... might just blow the dust off me bible and catch up on some reading! seems more up to date than any book ever! LOL

Tuesday, 22 January 2008


Isn't it a great saying eh! What would I do without my friends... I have some fab mates, from all walks of life...and I mean ALL!! from aristocratic lunatics to homeless and desperate folk... ! We have a very open home and have between 4-20 visitors a day... they get watered and fed and listened to... I can honestly say I would be a lot worse with my anxiety without these folks in my life.. being the local Avon lady does help! Sometimes it takes me 3 hours to deliver the Avon to 3 houses due to having a good old chin wag!

I started the Avon in November, I made myself do it as I was at the point in my anxiety where I couldn't walk about & around the really has helped me... I only sell round a couple of streets... I hardly make any money as I spend it in the catalogue! but the therapy has been well worth it!

Piccy is my mate Neil... don't know what I would do without him, I love him to bits, he's a pain in the ass at times but hey so am I..we do have the most fab thing in common ...we both make each other laugh! to the point of crying at times! and share the same warped sense of humour! which helps!

Anxiety level been good... had a bit of a bike ride today... went to allotments to see the flood damage...water is all gone for now...more rain due!

Monday, 21 January 2008

What a soggy day!

Rain rain rain....oh did i mention Rain! THE END OF THE WORLD!!
I cant believe it...the rain we have been having! All my allotment is flooded and all in my little cottage on my allotment is flooded out...geese are loving it and so is he is like a little boy when we get lots of rain or snaow!... our house is safe though .. thank the lord! My freind was sat watching tv and all of a sudden water starting seeping through her floor boards! Fire Brigade had to come and pump it out... I swear this world is folding up on its self... well one belief I do have is we as human life might end but Mother nature will always be here to pick up the pieces and start all over again! Sometimes I wonder if we have been here to this extent of technolgy once before... sucked the life sources from the earth like we are doing now till it all ends and starts again.... I sometimes think this because they say the world has been here for millions plus years but we have only come this far in about 130 yrs with things like the wheel,electric,computers, cameras and flying etc! Something to think about eh!Anxiety been a little naughty today! dont know why..prob money i have none! Bills Rain bills rain! that has been my day! picture is toll bar not far from me!


Sunday, 20 January 2008

We all have a need to be we?

Had a lovely lovely weekend with freinds and family...felt ok with my anxiety but it's always there in the back ground! only had a few flutters etc.... Had a lodger with us too, one of Pauls freinds became homeless so he slept on the settee.... bless him ..he is ok now and back with his family.. so it was nice to help someone else! In fact I have been helping freinds all wk end too... but I do like it when im needed...we all have the need to be needed don't we! But saying that sometimes it does your head in LOL
Photo is a little bird libby found and cared for until it was well when she was about 7yrs old! I feel like this little bird at times!

Tomorrow I am having 3 new windows in from the council...thank God..after 10 yrs of i might take a little photo 2 mo...Lib has been out all wk end and she has been a good girl, growing up alot.... speak 2 mo guys!

Friday, 18 January 2008

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.


So important to try and take each day as it comes... something I am trying to teach hard when things are tough but really easy when things are ok! Well today I went to me ma's as she ain't well at all... Libby came with me as she is still off it... cleaned upstairs for me mum and dad...did a real good job for I was cleaning I thought I wish I could do this more for her.. be here for her more & then to make things worse when we were in the kitchen she grabbed my arm and looked at me and cried an little whilst saying...." I miss you Rachel"... God it nearly tore out my heart.... I said "Mum i know... i just ain't been well" ... the words resounded in my own's my Mother with a bad heart, lungs really bad and taking each day to the limit and enjoying it and I cant come over to see her unless I get a lift cos I cant use the public transport and walk half a mile on my own to see her.....WHAT A BLOODY FAILURE! I just want her to understand but I suppose she ever will ... not her fault...just that's the way it is! My mum is such a strong character.. not much fazes her at all...good soul and a good woman. I love her so much and Dad of course but I am having a mummy moment (LOL)

Thursday, 17 January 2008

Dads family search on you tube

Hi I ain't got a lot to say today...I have been shopping to Morrisons ... forced to do so as had trouble with my bank card... Hectic...hated it... any how Libby been poorly off school as she was pukin in the nite.... .
Dad came and did a plea for his family on you tube ... here is the link
if any one have any info please contact us
also below
Anxiety been not too bad today... apart from the shopping from Satan experience... was soooo packed.. hardly a car space.. but I did it! And to add I bought a free range corn fed chicken.... comes from hay barns and they have balls and toys to play with ...cost me £5.30 but hopefully worth it!

Wednesday, 16 January 2008



You know I was thinking half way through the day...why is everyday so different, not in an obvious sense but as an anxiety sufferer you just ain't got a clue weather its gonna bite you today or not...... as I walked to my friends yesterday I looked up at the sky and it was so grey and dull but yet so fantastic.....and I thought to myself.... GOSH....EVEN WHEN IT'S DULL AND GREY IT CAN BE INSPIRING AND BEAUTIFUL!!!! It reminded me of my life and I thought YES! even out of my suffering and anxiety I am learning how to turn it into something positive and trying to help others with my web site and going on other forums etc....... bit corny I know but I thought I would share...... above is a photo of the sky I caught although it don't give it justice. Keep looking at the sky and the earth and thank God for the inspiration that's held in them.

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

Panic attack again in night~Rescue Me!


3.17am on the dot... body leaps up and heart pounding...body shaking...took me rescue rememdy buy it here...its fab..... didnt last as long... i laid near my window with it open and just breathed and I was ok... ! I really think I am having the night panics due to me feeling better in the day.... Its a release of stress hormone in the body which makes this happen... I feel its my body doing what it is used to doing! will go away it always does!

Monday, 14 January 2008

What an affliction!

Anxiety been ok today but so scared of another episode like last nite... so am anxious to go to bed and hoping it was the wine last nite.... hardly eaten today ( wont hurt me ) Went to see my mummy and daddy..LOL... mum not too well bless her! ( picture is them)

libby started her work placement today at the local garage...she loved and ... has boosted her confidence which is what she needs! I am so PROUD OF HER! She is all I ever wanted to be! I pray she NEVER EVER experiences what I have been through! I heard the other day you can grow out of anxiety! Hope this is true! If it is bring on the pension book! LOL. Bit of a boring post today! but thanks for reading!

Minor set back urrrggg!!!!!!! Im hopeing

Fell absolutely deflated... I woke up at 3am with heart pattering away to river dance!! thought Micheal flatly was in me room till i realized it was my heart giving itself an old workout LOL.... I really think it has somot to do with that wine I had... i had to lay on the cold wooden floor at top of stairs... saying Paul im gonna die!!! it was going so fast... after some rescue remedy and a bit of positive thinking it calmed down and with in 10 Min's all back to normal after a little fluttering. I ain't had this for ages and felt I was on the way to recovery... I wonder where this came from if it wasn't the wine!... Seems strange cos I been feeling so relaxed. Any way will speak later.... with positive news I hope!

Sunday, 13 January 2008


Yesterday whilst having a good old browse through you tube I came across the most inspiring songs I have heard in a very long while... in fact I think it should be number 1 in the charts..... its by a band called "show of hands" and its called "Roots".... the chorus of this song is....SEEDS, BIRDS, FLOWERS, FRUIT NEVER GONNA GROW WITHOUT THEIR ROOTS....PLANT, STEMS , SHOOTS.... THEY NEED ROOTS!..... WE'VE LOST MORE THAN WE'LL EVER KNOW AROUND THE ROCKY SHORES OF ENGLAND!!!!

Have added the link to the song so you can have a listen to the words.

We are loosing this country... it is the working class that are suffering and the country folk.... We have a wonderful village pub in the next village next to us... the pub there is over 200 years old ( the white swan.... also called Mucky duck) closed down .... why?.... new smoking ban!... I mean I don't smoke myself and hate smokey rooms but.. just do what they did in the old days... a smoke room! Easy!.... I feel so sorry for the kids of today...what chance have they got and in this country what individuality do they have..... all dress the same.. use the same language.....same music choice...... same lack of interest! it worries me so much..... I try to instill in my Daughter the importance of knowing her roots and enjoying all aspects of this life.... your here once ..don't be a sheep and run the same way as all the others.... find some security in yourself and go your own way! ! She is doing.... just started picking up the Bohdran ( Irish drum) and getting involved when we have a music bash iN our house. So sorry for ranting but leave me a comment and tell me how you feel!.............. REMEMBER WHERE YOU COME FROM! And pass it on! ps... HAD A SMALL P.A TONIGHT... HAD A SMALL GLASS OF WINE AND GOT ALL HOT AND STARTED TO PANIC...PULSE FAST..COULDNT BREATH...RAN IN KITCHEN..COLD TAP...RESCUE REMEDEY...BREATHED...HEART FLUTTERED UNTIL SETTLED DOWN AND BIG THUMPS ONE AFTER OTHER...ONLY LASTED ABOUT 3 MINS SO REALLY PLEASED WITH MY CONTROL!!!! WHY OH WHY DO I TOUCH ALCOHOL! DONT AGREE WIV ME XXX

Saturday, 12 January 2008

Anxiety been the best since may 07

Hi there peeps... how are you all jolly and welltoday... I have had a better ( even better than yesterday!) day.... I am trying to accept the fact that I have a sensitive heart and any upset just triggers it to go a little dizzy... I know when my body has had a few months of relaxation and chilling everything will go back to normal!..........i bloody hope!!!.......... anyhow had a chilled out day..went down to my local shops with my trusty little bike and its little basket on the front for my sundries!.....tonight i did indulge in a little Chinese! then the rest of the night me and paul have been watching you tube.... I never realized how good that website is... you get get almost any song you want.. so I have been putting all my best loved Irish tunes in and watching the videos! found a fab song but I am gonna tell you about it It is rather political and you will be too bored ... so until then guys! Thanks for supporting me in reading my waffle! But I am enjoying reading everyone Else's! Nan nights!

Friday, 11 January 2008

Jamie Oliver on the "Fowl dinners" channel 4 tonight

I have just watched the channel 4 programme on trying to get Britain to go free range which I think is fab... Jamie showed examples of intensive farming and culling and free range farming and humane culling but the difference to the nation is the extent of the price!

He has a contract with Salisbury's for advertising of over 1 million squid (pounds) per year... he can afford to buy this type of meat.... I myself do buy free range eggs at a sting to the budget! so after seeing the programme tonight I went onto the asda web site where I do my shopping and the pound extra what Jamie was talking about was a little more!!!! What do I do ... I don't want to eat this crap! but can i really afford any other!.... All boils down to the government AGAIN! being greedy twats ! The farmers of the cheap chicken ...what I buy ( like the buy 2 for 5.00 etc) only earn 3p per chicken...WHAT IS THE POINT! you could clean the subway toilets and make more money! My hubby thinks Jamie is an absolute hypocrite for taking money from Salisbury's when they support this way of farming!! I really give him a little more ( prob cos I am a woman) for trying and getting the point over! I shall try to choose my meat more selectively.......... but this is just the chicken ... what about the poor Piggy, cow and sheep!.......... would cost a fortune to buy it all free range but I want to! Suppose the other option is to go veggie! But really dont want to do that either ! Any comments welcome!



Had a better day today~ Thank the good lord!

Hi Peeps... Well I have had a better day today... I was determined I was getting out of the house today for def! SO i got out my bike and went to see my freinds.... had lunch out at freinds and spent the rest of the afternoon with my Father (shown above, looks good for 78 eh...hope its hereditary) ....... Realized today that we had no TV licence... Hubby thought i had delt with it... and I thought he had.... so paying it tomo...BUT!!! He would not watch tv ... he actually put a sheet over the tv and unplugged it .... The silly bugga! SO we have been sat looking at eachother all night LOL....well I have been on me lap top.... Paul on his Mario DS! Libby went out in the end! So much for family time together LOL!

Well will catch up 2 mo.... night all.

Had a few flutters this morning but nothing to heavy today!

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

9th Jan.... what a day...anxiety at a high


Well I was awoken ~ thank goodness with my sister banging on the door this morning...other wise I would have stayed longer than 8am and I needed to get up to go to work ( I say work, its my little cleaning job down the road) I am still getting a lift from my Father in Law as I am still not doing the buses...its not the travelling on the bus that bothers me its the walking down the long private lane on my own when i get off! Then I get a lifthome... I am always ok when I am there but I do enjoy my freinds company and if I felt "Dodgy" she would take me staight home... bless her...........But when I got home this is what happened!
(Bit of back ground to this)
Have a family in my village that has had asbo's and also the council asked people for backing to make statements to get the family out of the house... I came forward to do it as one night last Autum I saw a lad on the street in a ball in his pajamas in the rain crying... he had been beat up by the father and was in a real state.... so I took him home and rang his Mother who said.. can he stay with us for a couple of days till his dad calms down .... I said of course.. we are talking drug dealing family ect... terrible crimes been commited ect so I was taking a risk but felt I needed to do something!
Cut a long story short after he went home the trouble began...we have had the Police at my house over false alligations several times ( which aint been the best thing for my nerves) and just before Christmas the Dad of the foul family tried to run my husband over with our 3 dogs... my husband really gave the guy some abuse..... whe the guy got home he rang the police and told them my hubby had assaulted him and stole his gold chain!.... My hubby got arrested 2 days before christmas but when he got to the station with our solicitor they laughed it out..... we had a week of distress for nothing!! I fact the sargent said my hubby should have hit him!!! LOL.... BUT today I found out this family are at it again, trying to get him arrested again,,,, when Paul tld me this I just went into panic!!
My heart went out of sync......... for about 10 mins...fluttering like mad... then I camled down,, I am so sick of this government being on the side of the crim's! My hubby is a lovely nature man and has a fab reputation in my village! When folk heard he got arrested I had folk knocking on the door saying they would stand up for Paul which I thought was great!
The police really are not doing their job in this country at the moment........ feel like going on a real mission!!!! IF I HAD THE STRENTGH!!!!!


Tuesday, 8 January 2008

January 8th can you believe it!

Well i have decided to start a blog! (of course)

I wanted to write this diary as I have been suffering with awful anxiety disorder since last yr and thought it MIGHT be intersesting to see my progress if only for my self!

Well today i got up at 9.30...lazy git arnt i and most of the day I have been cooking and cleaning...
Paul took the dogs for a walk so I was on my own for about 2 hrs... didnt like it but i coped... went on the fab website this site has helped me so much through my anxiety.
My anxiety is displaying itself in form of palpatations... ectopics.. and also really fast beats for a few seconds... i feel like i am getting better but each day is slow and some days are backwards just when u think you are getting there it comes and bites on the arse once again.
Any how lets hope the future of this blog is good ... healthy and prosperous!