Saturday, 25 October 2008

more courage please




I rang my mummy the other day in tears....I said mum, I am doing so well but my symptoms are worse...why ..does it mean that I really do have a bad heart....my mum said No Rachel... its because you are going beyond your limits and using your courage and pushing yourself so your body is in constant alert! ....makes sense I suppose!.............................need my symptoms to subside...went to Tesco today and was awful but i carried on ,, Neil said it was prob cos it was extra busy................ I need more courage guys... My next thing is tomo where we are going door to door knocking for neighbourhod watch members....................Oh yes by the way....at christmas we have a Father christmas that goes around the village in a lit up trailor its great well this yr.... we have no one to be father christmas, we have all the outfit , beard, hair etc but no one seems interestedso guess who have offered to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES ME!!!! LOL.... agraphobic SANTA !!! lollollollol..BET YOU ARE LAUGHING ARNT YOU ...i will get some photos on when i do it...all the village comes out to see ...i just have to sit and wave and ay ho ho ho ...... actaully heres one better,,, an agraphobic transexual santa LOL...will def need courage then!

4 comments:

Coffeecup said...

BLOODY HELL!!!! Way to go Rach!!! You're asking for courage when you have it already. Lol, I love the idea of you being Santa. I used to get so excited when the trailor came round ha ha! Brilliant! Don't you underestimate yourself chick, what you are doing in phenominal. I guess the psychologists would describe this type of exposure as 'flooding', scaring yourself silly by confronting all the fears you have in one dose. It's recommended because once you've adjusted to it you'll be fine. It takes a certain special type of person to have the guts to do this, and you Rachel are exactly that. Special, wonderful, beautiful! I am in awe. Symptoms will get worse because you're facing your fears head on, you're mummy is quite right. You go girl!!

And yes, I've been wanting to call, but being a moody bugger have been in hiding. I'll try and catch you soon Rach, assuming you have a moment? Phew.....amazing!

xXxX

Rachel's Diary said...

blush blush.... not too high expectations please peeps.... lol scared ill BANG!!! if you know what I mean...mind you the support has been fab! thanks steph...hey ring me any any any time hun! just call ! when ur ready.... i have my first craft fair in about 10 days, im gonna photo some of my stuff and get it on ere x x x thinkin about you alot hun xxx

diver said...

I'm sure your mum has nailed it : you've moved a long way out of your comfort zone now and your brain has gone on high alert because of that, producing excess neuro-chemistry (e.g adrenaline) to help you cope. Alas these chemicals give you the energy and the will to fight, but they also bring panic symptoms. This is just the nature of the fight-or-flight response that malfunctions in us agoraphobics/PD sufferers.

When I get like this I tell myself over and over that it's just 'biology', just a bunch of autonomic nervous system responses ... this understanding and self-talk helps me a lot, helps me 'simmer' rather than 'melt down', if you know what I mean.

Steph's comment about 'flooding' was most insightful. What you're doing now will hurt, sure, BUT if you persist you'll ultimately draw strength from it. And in 6 months time you'll look back and say, "Wow I did that!". And you'll be mighty pleased with yourself for it.

Rachel's Diary said...

lol....could you repeat that!!!! lol , tech' stuff there hun, but your right... obviously your right it makes sense xxx thanks very much for yor support!