Sunday, 2 November 2008

I feel like a pupa!











Yes I do, I feel like a Pupa on the underside of a dark tree with the prospects of knowing one fine day a stunning colourful me with emerge... but at the moment I do , I feel like a pupa, locked inside this dark and warm area of my life but I am lookin positive,.... I know it seems a contradictive statement but I do .... the symptoms of the stress are still hovering , some days really bad...but Im still getting out there...today i did a craft stall at the village hall....my father inlaw picked me up and dropped me off and I sat there on my little (big) self and sold £45.00 of my creative little projects to members of the public! Libby came after 2 and a half hrs....I was fine.... i then got a lift home.... the thing that is getting to me the most at the moment is this fear of walking anywhere..... is this a symptom of agraphobia or is it a fear of walking..... i fear to walk because the min' I do the old heart starts to flip and flop... but when i have to walk I get my self so worked up that its gonna do it that it does it anyway!!!! do you understand...what are your feelings on this....do you think im dying or do you think its fear causing these palps when walking about!....anyway here is some photos of my stall.... lets hope the butterfly emerges soon guys............... for us all..................




4 comments:

diver said...

Hi Rachel. It looks to me like the butterfly has emerged! Her wings are a bit crumpled, sure, but that's natural. Maybe they'll straighten out if you keep stretching them 'in public'.

Your craft stall is pretty amazing Rachel. The most impressive thing is that you're there, manning it! When I think back to what you were writing in your blog earlier this year and look at what you're doing now, wow, you sure have come a long way this year! Go for it Rachel, you're an inspiration!

Coffeecup said...

Blimey Rachel! I ditto what Diver said, the butterfly is already out and looking gorgeous. Just needs to show herself off some more that's all. The craft stuff looks beautiful! You know it's a positive sign your making goodies too, because when I'm low I just can't face creating. BRAVO on having the confidence to man the stall, well justified by that nice little sum of cash!

I find that getting from A to B is harder than actually being there also. I think it's the worry about what might happen when your not 'safe' as in the middle of the street. No where to hide I guess? Your brain is just signalling that the situation is dangerous, course it's not, but this triggers all the symptoms. Take heart sweet girl, you're well on the road to recovery!

XXX

Rachel's Diary said...

Thanks guys.... yeah i supppose i have come a long way when i do look back.... needs ponting out at times... well i think i have a feeling of safeness within the group I am with because they know my needs, they pick me up and drop me off with no hesitation,, they are so understanding with me...and i know if i did have a panic attack they would whip me straight home. Sat night I helped to do the halloween disco, soI dressed up as a witch, i struggled soooo much being there, but I held out, i think thats when the symptoms come when I force myself to stay rather than give up and crawl back into that safe area!

fungalena said...

I agree with Diver - definitely -

love alena

p.s. ere - Rache - ava peeps at this GORGEOUS site - right up ur street for the crafts

x x x x