Friday, 8 May 2009

Im still here.........




Hiya.. no I havn't fell off the end of the earth or joined the vast majority yet!...Im still here...had the most awful time financially....Bike, laptop,desktop and then to top it off.....cooker! ....Im cursed I swear...someone somewhere there is a wax figure with black curly hair and a big belly with pins in it !!!! Come on own up!!!!!...lol.... I have been ok...gallavanting all over the place... still not walking far but I have been getting out and about which feels great! ... I went to the hills ( derbyshire ) with a freind the other week in the car...went about 130 miles round trip.... was fab! No anxiety at all! ...also I have a freind who has started doing Ann Summers Party's and she is a little shy so I have been going with her and helping her do the parties...going along the strangers houses and showing them naughty toys and underwear has taken some guts but I have really been enjoying it.... I really feel that my Agoraphobia has been kicked in the but! It is just the walking and palpatations (fear still I suppose) that needs to be sorted then Rach will be back!...................I think my body is kind of stuck in this mode!...fear breeding fear and all that! ..... I havn't blogged much due to comp probs...slow desk top ...no lap top...very frustrating....but all in all things are looking up...im taking more risks.... wouldn't have felt like this if it wasn't for me lecky bike...which is still going by the skin of its tyres!..... I did put a donate button up...peeps prob thought I was a cheeky cow as I have not had a bloody penny!...suppose there worse causes to donate too....peeps starving etc!....well it was worth a try....I will leave it there for a bit as you never know ...a millionaire recovering agoraphobic might just pass this way and take pity!...lol.....yeah right!.... in answer to your question Coffee cup about claiming....if I could get over the bloody fear /phobia of the doctors I would def claim! but you need to have authority from them ...I asked the social...so im buggered!...unless a miracle happens and im cured of my phobia!........... right im off guys..... the pic is me in the derbyshire hills and also of me riding up the fields on me own on me bike!

8 comments:

Coffeecup said...

Fantastic to see you back Rachel, and doing so well by the sounds of it! It's great that you feel okay in the car, and get to see them there hills! I'm sooo envious!!!

Now m'lady, you could wait for a philanthropic millionaire to buy you a bike or you could be very brave and phone the doctors surgery, explain the situation and get someone to come and see you at home. It's outrageous that the most vulnerable people (yes you and me) are getting overlooked because the system is geared up towards those who help themselves! You have a RIGHT to claim some support whilst you recover. You could get your doctor to back you up on the basis that you are too phobic to see him!! I hate to see you missing out on this bike that helps your condition when benefit would pay for it within the space of a few weeks. Nag nag nag! Please phone them Rach?

Rachel's Diary said...

i know what ur saying but its like saying to someone one with araknaphobia..."just put that trantula in ur hand go on"....it is a horrible phobia ..to have such an irrational fear!..... i need some help...but family havbe just accepted it more than me!.... i need someone to guide me and take me under their wing.....no offers as yet...everyone just fed up wiv me this end!! lol....dont blame them!

Robert said...

It was great to see that you had a new post! I hope that you've been speaking to the CAB? They're really helpful. MENCAP is good, too.

Best wishes.

Coffeecup said...

Hmm I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went into the jobcentre a coupla days ago, and learned that they have CBT available for people like me, and a host of other things to help people get better and get back to work. This is the trouble, they don't tell you all this, you have to go and find out, and when you're not well the last thing you are going to do is be bold and start asking the right questions. Recommend what Robert says, phone the CAB and explain the situation. Sounds like your fear is the doctor and not the surgery then. I hear you. But there have to be other agencies other than GP's to help you get some support. It's not forever, cos we know you'll have beaten this soon. Look after yourself missy xx

Rachel's Diary said...

Its a long story the fear of anything medical (goes back to childhood mental abuse)but even the site of a hospital or a surgery makes me feel sick and faint... even typing the words is upsetting

Gary said...

Just realised your back Rach! i was miles away! sounds like you have been doing well going on trips and things but as for your phobia if only you could get some CBT i have had it and it does help but ive also learned that i will never be a hundred percent but its about managing it, i have a phobia of flying but touch wood it hasn't stopped me from going yet but i put myself through hell!!! and ive tried allsorts to combat it but nothing works it is total fear! hope you find that millionaire Rach and if i won some money i would give you some xxxx

Rachel's Diary said...

LOL...Oh Gary how sweet.... hun there are more desperate folk than me... a little winfall would be good though....xx CBT sounds good ..I wonder how i could get it with out going to the doctor...?

Amara the Warrior said...

I know how you feel. No job...my parents are helping me out =/