Saturday, 27 December 2008

My nutty Christmas 2008

Hi Folks...Firstly " Mery Christmas to you all" and I hope you had a fantastic day..... I have had a mixed emotions time over this Christmas... too be honest I have been stressed to bugga.... taken too much on.... done too much fartin about and got me self ito that much of a state have had 3 MAJOR panic attack..... one to the point of near collapse on Christmas eve... 1 hr.... heart got stuck in an ectopic rythm one after the other,,,sheer adrenaline.... fear breedin fear and all that..despite all this negative crap...ive ploughed on.... The fri I did do the "Mother CHristmas thing and I did sing my merry heart out on the back of the float...all around the streets of my village...I had Andrea following in the car as a back up..just in case it became a little too much for me and I panicked but i was fine...with 100 people following .... scarey but lovely...x The other thing I conquered wich I still am stunned I did was the super market... went shoppin to Morrisons and I really dont know to this day how I did it!!! It was heaving!...... Libby came to help but she was a bit of a pain in the arse as she really doesnt understand my panic attacks... so i think the Panic attacks have been just delayed stress reaction as today i have been out and have been very chilled...hoping I sleep and dont wake with an attack like I have been . ANy way here are some pics from me being Ma Christmas...I had to strighten my hair to get the bloody hat on! x x x x x well roll onto the new yr... speak soon my little Christmas Puddings x x x x

6 comments:

Aphobos said...

Hi Rachel,
I admire your strength and will power. If I had an ounce of that myself I would not be where I am. Keep going strong.

All the best

Rachel's Diary said...

oh thank you hunny... i was only on your blog yesterday thinkin how good is it! .. u do better than you think babes... i can sit on the back of a lorry in front of hundreds and sing.... but ask me to walk round the corner...instant panic!xxxxxx thank babes xxxx

Rachel's Diary said...

oh thank you hunny... i was only on your blog yesterday thinkin how good is it! .. u do better than you think babes... i can sit on the back of a lorry in front of hundreds and sing.... but ask me to walk round the corner...instant panic!xxxxxx thank babes xxxx

Coffeecup said...

Ha ha ha!!!!! You've made me so happy sweetheart to read about your bravery. Wow! How brilliant was that adventure? You look amazing too! Your hair is lovely, your smile is beaming, you are a stunner Rach! In sooo many ways Xxx

diver said...

Scarey but lovely ... yeah, that's what it's like. I was like that when I travelled abroad in 2005.

You did really well Rachel. Your pics are amazing. Y'know, if I was giving out an award for 'Best Performance By An Agoraphobic Blogger in 2008' I'd be giving it to you for what you've achieved in the last few months. Cheers Rachel, you rule!

Rachel's Diary said...

Thanks Diver... I can honestly say Guys that everything I have achieved has not been done without tears and sheer terror at times but I have pushed my self so hard... part of me feels...what was the point as I am no further forward...still scared to be on my own and still getting the bouts of palps... but my freinds say i am having more good days than bad ...so thats good enough for me...I think the bad days are so BAD... debilitating literally sometimes to the point of not even wanting to go from Living room to kitchen( I am not jokin) that these days really do pretrude to the front of your mind and give the overall feeling of an agoraphobic... or at least anxiety sufferer... x x Thanks for your help guys x x x