Sunday, 27 July 2008

floods~not of the rain type......My tears


I have had the most emotional week of my life...everything has come to a head... I have never felt so near to ending it all on Thusrday... I had fall outs with Libby and Paul...Paul had told his Mum a week ago that we were splitting up (news to me) but on thurs when I came home from my mothers he was in floods of tears and told me how he had been feelin..... This are alot better now...i think we all needed to get stuff off our chests...And we definatly did for sure... Me and aul are gonna make some changes to our relationship and Libby is going to her nans for a wk or 2 to try and sort her head out ( thank God) . I obviously feel that its my panic attacks that are doing this to the family but I have stressed to them all that I need help...not just to be left on my own all the time ... Libby still being a pain but I really think she will be better when she starts college and gets a place in life at the moment she is more or less in limbo! We all went through it as a teen, wouldn't be normal if you didn't x SO I am hopeing for a better week. we are gonna be starting on the bathroom, we have started the back garden together yesterday.... Oh yes...yesterday, i did loads in the garden with Paul, I was working really hard in the garden, pulling big nettles and I was red hot, my heart was pupming normal and guess what I had no flutters at all not untill later on when i was relaxed....weird int it! But i was well impressed I had none when i exerted my self x so guys, hope you are all well and watch this space cos im wanting calmness in my life from now on... and positivness x x x heres hopeing!

3 comments:

tashi said...

Hi Rachel, sorry to hear of that recent 'pit' ... but GREAT to hear the way you bounced back and worked the problem.

For what its worth, tashi reads a dozen or so agoraphobic bloggers and has always felt you have a really good prognosis ... just something about your excellent sense of humour and work ethic and common sense - always thought, "yeah, Rachel will be alright, it'll just take time."

All the best Rachel - hope this week is a smooth and settled one!

Coffeecup said...

May blessings be heaped upon you Rachel. Tashi's right of course, I too have always believed you come across as a lady who will win through because you have real inner strength hunny.

I'm sorry to read about you being upset. You are so courageous. When we're in need we tend to close down on each other, a kind of protectiveness I suppose. It's really positive to talk, and crying is good, clears the brain of stressful chemicals! The truth about tears is that loved ones will stop and listen and change the situation for the best. You guys will be closer for it. Calmness be yours forever sweet girl, you deserve it.

Rachel's Diary said...

thanks again you 2...again full of inspiration and encouragement.... Rachel loves her blogi peeps your like best friends xxxxxxxxxx