A Couple of days relief

Hi Guys .. had a couple of niceish days (not as many palps) at the weekend I did a bit of chilling on the Allotments, Paul actually spent time with me as latley I feel like all I am saying is "Yeah, bye...see you in a bit" whilst im left at home stuck with in a house scared piggin stiff to go out on me own.... so after a cry on Saturday and telling him I actually want to die as I am soo fed up and bored he decided to take the dogs out and go on the allotments... we lit the fire basket and boiled the kettle and had decaf coffee,,sarni's, cake and crisps and pork pie and tomatoes and and and .... x It was great, we went home when it just started to get dark and spooky! I need more days like this..chillin and relaxing and takin my mind off my anxiety. We are off to Essex on Thurs for the 5 Ugly buggers that have been hatched for us...so this will be a big big test for me, it is a long way from home...3 hrs away! So watch this space!

What a load of political Bull !!! Eurovision

Well another yr that I get excited , Paul has a stroke and everyone laughs at me cos the score sheets are printed out and me cheese board is exsquisite and me freinds (fellow eurovision lovers) come over and wait in anticipation to see the glittered loonatics leaping around and screaching in the name of thier country! But I love it! Paul was actually good last night as he did join in with the scoring for a while, when I looked he had marked them all "Shit Shit Shit" .....But every yr I get more and more dissapointed at the way the UK are treat by other countries! I was very dissapointed at getting 6 points for the whole night and Andy Abraham was fab, one of the best! but oh no, its so bloody political, it prob due to us sill being in Iraq...... but what I dont understand is half the countries have half of thier relations in the UK being looked after by our government.... or taking our jobs..we have an industrial estate in Worksop, Its like a mini Poland (and they gave us NIL POI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) I am not racist AT ALL , I love different walks of life and customs but its geetin silly now!

As for me nerves ...I have been quite bad again with the flutters but the night times have been fab..sleep right though ! So guys have a good bank Hols and speak Tues x

MY GARDEN

NO WORDS JUST PICS TODAY!

I NEED A PROJECT

Wise words from my lovely old mother the other day " Rachel ..you need a project" .. And how right is she... I need somot to take me mind of my own bodily functions ( heart etc) I have been really bad with them today until Neil came and took me out for a ride in the car to see my new baby niece...then they stopped.! How weird is that! Its because my mind was taken off me sen ! Well we go to Essex a week on Thursday so I hope I am gonna be ok... I am a little anxious..I shall sit in the back so I can spread out and chill ... x So guys what project can I have.... I usually start on me craft stuff, as I make cards, salt dough, cross stitch, knitting and wooden plaques but aint done ought for ages x IDEAS ...need to make money too!

Worse day....very sad

I have had a very stressful day regarding Libby..it was her GCSE Maths exam today and stupid school rang me to say Lib wasn't there in her exam,, i was in a rite state..then they rang to say ...oh she was... she was sat in the wrong seat....gormless that school ...I am glad she has left but it has caused me loads of stress... and also today I had to see her college tutors about her getting in for SEPT.... it has made me poorly all day...palps none stop after being upset...and before that I was helping pauls aunty cleaning and was really busy cleaning her whole house top to bottom with no palps at all....just proves its anxiety!!!!! fed up today....will i eva get bloody better....roll on sat, i have a euro-vision party (sad) just made me score sheets wiv me little flags on (sadder) xx nan nites xx

YIPPIE....IM SMALLER!

Hi peeps, I have been feeler a little bit better... not got the constant flutters ...just the odd ones..Thank God for that ...it is horrid when u get them all the time like that.... Any way the excitement of the title is the fact I have now lost 10 pounds....No not in money but in weight so it is coming off slowly but surely.... So I am well please ! Last night I went out to a sports centre with some Churchy freinds who I have known for yrs and Lib came with me too.... she really wanted me to go as they had a fake ice rink.... Its the strangest bloody stuff I have ever been on.... like going on a load of chopping boards with Ice skates...really weird! But the fact is ....I DID IT! And spent some quality time with Libby! I was fluttering like a bugga most of the time but I was anxious and nervous just being there...But I did it! ..... the piccy is me n Lib, and lib on ice wiv me sisiters boyfreind, and me n neil! x SO I am hoping this wk will be a gud un!

ALL A FLUTTER

Hi Guys...I have had the worst two days with my heart going all wonky and yesterday I just had the old flutters all blinding day! I know a few of you get them as you ave spoken about them.. and I know they are harmless but they r bloody annoying arn't they.... but I must carry on I know... I just wish I could nip to my GP to see if I am ok , for peace of mind but the thought of even entering those doors is enough to send me into a severe panic attack...I have to most hidious phobia of doctors.... I know deep down I am ok as I have had these on and off for years...I think I would be dead by now LOL xxx

GREAT AUNTY BROODY RACHEL

Awwwwwww! Do you like me brand new little 48 hr old little baby ...my ..great niece? Hannah, she is a beaut' ! Well guys I feel like crap again, flutters are back but are worse the min I get in bed which I know is common in "flutter folk"..... Paul is unwell with his depression which makes me feel worse... he has some very black days and I hate it! .......I should be ok in a few days. Did I tell you my bike broke....well my wonderful freind Sharon who you have seen on here came the other day wiv a present for me... her bike...with 1 wheel ..as she had hers nicked and the gits destroyed the wheel..so she even came with a spanner ( in her handbag LOL) and took the good wheel from my bike and put it on hers...so I can lend it for a couple of months till I get one ...Bless her..int that a good friend eh!?! I dont know how to get rid of this anxiety...the other week I had no heart stuff and thought ..Yeah Im getting there...although I still feel mentally better, I can do more things and go more places with out thinking about it and getting worked up about it....even just going away at the weekend was a massive step as a few months ago I wouldn't dare have gone... Anyway im off now so hope you like me piccy which me sister took tonight! xxxxx bye for now

HONEY'S IM BACK....... LOL

Well Guys have you missed me, I had a great time away, was well relaxed although I had a struggling time at night in bed, didn't get to sleep about 3.30am as I was so scared of waking up with a pnic attack that I tried to keep awake! Silly me, (gave me a massive head-ache the next day) But we had a laugh, out in the stunning garden and in the summer house till about 11 pm and the next day we visited a garden centre where I indulged in some MORE plants.

So it was a strange journey... I struggled but I did it and that is the main thing as a few months ago I wouldnt have been able to do it, to stay away from home over night, Sharon had a good time too as she needed it. So on Sun it was me wedding anniversary (17 yrs of being married to the loonatic) been an eventful journey! LOL

so hope you enjoy a few photies, i am hoping I get to feel as good as I did last wk as I feel shite to put it blunt, but on the positive side...I have felt shite'er is there is such a word !

But one thing I am upset about is me bike.... its broke! SO Paul gonna av to look tomo cos I cant handle not having it!

Ok guys...speak laters xxxx

A QUICK BYE FOR NOW xxxx

Hi guys , just to tell you I am going away for the night and all 2 mo so I will post to you all Sun or Mon, But just to say I feel like shite again, had foul horrid flutters for 3 days and am scared agan, but I am going to my cousins with Sharon my freind, I am nervous but am still biting the bullet and doing it as I will be on me own in a strange bedroom, I woke up last night with a bit of a panic, but fingers crossed I shall be ok,! Am looking forward to it, so speak soon guys. x piccy is me n andrea x

HAPPY BIRTHADAY GARY

Had a fab day in the garden again, getting out of breath and fit! getting me heart rate up on purpose which is amazing for me as im usually scared, I was running from garden to kitchen with me watering can and I looked up at the clock and took my pulse (naughty habbit I have) and it was about 118 bpm .. I thought ,,oh great its really pumping! Usually I would think ..OMG its going fast but you should get your heart rate up at least twice a day!

Anyhow Its one of our fellow bloggers birthday today, Gary http://livingwith-gad.blogspot.com/

..Gary has anxiety and battles with his panic attacks and has a stunner of a child who has downs syndrome and autism and his wife has been battling with ill health too, its been great to see his progress and even though he has bad days (like us all) I can see an improvement since the begining of the yr...So Gary I hope you have had a smashing day, and I hope this yr brings you happiness and healing xxxx

SUNSHINE~ HEALTH BENEFITS

What a stunning day it has been ~ I have done sooooo much in my front garden today, I am thrilled...I put loads of plants in after a trip to garden centre and done all me pots and put me tomatoes in! But I have been so hot...too hot...I find when It is hot like this I do get some palpitations but it aint had the horrid ones.... I think everyones heart works harder in the heat but when you are sensitive to these feelings you notice it more.

After my last posting guys I was a little upset as I woke up with a little panic attack that night, but I was having a bad dream...I was ok and I still feel better in myself...gone off my diet a little though so I need to get back on that. So I hope 2 mo is as nice and I hope you are all ok fellow bloggers and I hope you are having the nice weather like me ...It is an all round mental stimulant, just being outside is great! xx

THE NEW ME!!!

A feel like I have broken a wall down somewhere....my little rutt has been de rutted!!! Somot has happened to this strange being of mine...I am more at ease , free'er from fear and all together in better spirits!!! I aint perfect but this will do ! Its better than the crap I have had for the last yr! Its excactly a yr since the panics set in so lets hope it is a celebration of wellness for this May! Thanks guys for all your help.... I know and am prepared for set backs! (they will come ) and I need to welcome them with a goodbye and embrace the future for what ever it holds! I still need you all BIG time as it still a battle but the strength is stronger to fight it with for now...... I still can't imagine going somewhere big on me own yet..and i aint pushing me self either as thats when I can REALLY set me self back...we all have limitations and I need to learn to accept that...if I cant do it I cant do it!!!! Thats it! xxxxxxxxxxxx

And Another Gud un!!!!!

Yes another gud day apart from nearly dying at me freinds house... I have a freind who I help at times doing a bit of cleaning and her Daughter is ill in hospital very poorly so we went to her house to tidy around and whilst I was there I started coughing and wheezing as if I had ashma (which I dont have) and I had to open the bedroom window..my throat was on fire...She came up and asked what was wrong.... when I spoke my voice had changed due to the horseness from coughing and spluttering ..I said "I dont know...but the only other other time I was like that was yrs ago when I went to someones house and they had a house Rabbit!!!! As I am very allergic to Rabbits!!" To my despair she said "OH,,,,, She has one and it lived in the other bedroom "...so with that I dropped everything and leapt out the room and down stairs.... she was laughing but I wasnt ..it still hurts now! .. then she had to clean the bugga out so she had flippin hairs on her in the car on the way home so I had to sit at the side of her (as the back seat was down) with me head out the bloody window in the rain like a chuffing afgan hound wit hair flappin about...people lookin at me as if id lost me marbles!!!!!!! ! LOL after some fresh air and a cup of Yorkshire tea i was feelin better.

Someone sent me this photo on face book today..Its me with some freinds on my last day at school (im in the middle ...like a stick!..compared wiv now) LOL