A bag of revels, some french fries and a bag of plastic dinosaurs!!!

Earlier this eve I asked hubby to nip to the shop 3 doors away (very handy..too handy!!) and get some treats for us as the wind was howling outside and flecks of snow and very very cold....so he came back with a bag of revels,a bag of french fries and a bag of plastic dinosaurs!!!!! Yes I did say dinosaurs...I said WHY??? He said ... wait for it... they were colourful and I thought you would like them...can you believe this nutter!!! He obviously thought it was funny but I just thought what a waste of £1.25! although I did snigger!

I have had a strange day...I feel like Im waiting for snow! I am excited for snow...I love it and if it snows it's somot to take my mind of myself...... My Father came to visit..and fell to sleep!!!! And went home!!!!! So to be honest it has been a boring day today..actualy the more I write this blog the more I feel like the plastic dinosaurs might just come in handy!!! LOL...not really.

NEED TO GO ON A DIET.... but dont want to!

Its so hard you know when you like your snap..... I have been brought up with good food with Mother being Irish and all that.... I have battled with my weight for so many yrs I have gone up and down and round and rounder!!! LOL... but when it comes down to it I am quite happy but do get scared of the health problems looming.... When I get anxious I bloody eat...well sometimes my appetite goes but I do just love chocolate...it wonderful..I think God did put the old cocoa bean on the earth for woman only! It really hits the spot at times. I mean I ain't a great big fat git but I am overweight, hubby loves me when I'm fat or thinner ( never been thin)! I just wish I could get some inspiration from somewhere to make me do it... I go through fazes of diets and say to EVERYONE!!!! I'm gonna do it this time... I can feel it in me bones... they ll just stare at me with that smirk on thier faces! .. you know .. the one that says ,yeah rite rach LOL!!! SO I am hoping that this yr brings some divine intervention or a bloody miracle to inspire me to do it! Isn't life a git...why cant we crave salads and veg..... I do actually eat very very well and healthy just with the odd daily blip!!!!! LOL which is the prob!

Oh well if anyone has any tips please let me know as I am fed up with being Bonny! I want to be stunning (LOL)

Anxiety been fine until tonight... got the tight chest again... have slept ok for a couple of nights due to Nytol..... and I have also got me springys back now... me curly wurlys! no longer straight.

Nan nights xxxx

Devastated at Nintendo Brain Training score!

Age score of what????.......... BLOODY 80 yrs old..... is this old professor git taking the old Micheal!!??!!...... I thought I was pretty bright ...but according to that I'm as thick as S***T!

Can I blame this score on my anxiety...please say yes ...please LOL!!!! Bought the Nintendo DS brain training game from my sister who sells em on eBay amongst many other wonderful things...... http://stores.ebay.co.uk/alenabalerinas to her store.... (bit of family advertising there) and thought I would try it out...gosh I cant believe how I cant add up simple numbers...it's terrible but I am good at memory.

Been a strange old day.... cleaning and doing me Avon...but I must admit I have been a pig! not stopped piggin out today... we have those days don't we...we need em!

Any way ...a short post today as nought much has happened.......mind you.. a funny thing happened this morning... I have been given by me sister a massive trampoline..huge.... me and my Friend were like Laurel and Hardy putting it up in my uneven garden...spot the broken limbs waiting to happen!!!! anyway..I was washing up at the sink and through the kitchen window and I could see this thing in the corner of my eye bobbing up and down...It was my saluki greyhound jumping up and down on it wiv the ears flapping...and I swear he was smiling at me .....he had actualy climbed on the chair and started bloody bouncing!!!! He is a lunatic... oh well it fits in with the rest of the family. Bye till 2 mo.....GOSH... WHAT A LOAD OF WAFFLE LOL!!!!!!

Refresh youself in natures gift : Morning dew

I was reading an old herbal book one day looking for cures for my anxiety when I came across a piece telling you to get up early in the morning and choose a clean bit of grass, take off your shoes to your bare feet and walk the morning dew until your feet are totally immersed in natures remedy. Apparently dew has properties you wouldn't believe..... so one day I tried it...and guess what...it is the most refreshing and cleansing experience ever...... but I haven't done it for a long time. Then today whilst having a Google I came across this :

Barefoot walk on dew- it is a perfect method for refreshing, reinvigorating and strengthening human body. One morning, go to a place with clean grass (no splinters, thistles, etc.), take off our shoes and walk barefoot into the dew, for a few minutes. Without wiping off our feet, put on our shoes and take a few more steps or a short walk, to make our blood work well. In the beginning, the walk should last for only 2-3 minutes, but as time goes by, any walk should last longer - not more than 15 minutes, or else we risk to get cold. The perfect moment to do that, is at dawn. It is a perfect remedy for strengthening our body; it becomes more resisting to cold, infections of the kidneys, genitals or bladder disease. It is helpful to clear out emotions and negative thoughts and improve mind peace and produces energy.It is perfect in case of: chronic urinary and kidney disturbance (nephritis, cystitis, and urethritis), blood circulation through feet, infectious dermatitis, diseases caused by sedentary life, proclivity for bronchitis or lung disease, inaptness, asthenia, fatness, psychical stress and tiredness, neurosis, etc

Also this:
Face and hand wash- wash every morning, little before dawn.- rub your hands against clean grass, like you were washing your hands with water. Then, wash both face and hands with dew. In the end, do not wipe them off, but let them dry out into the sun. Do it daily although once would suffice. It is moreover a symbolic gesture. It is a perfect remedy against:- skin damage;- headaches (wash your face, front head and nape, 3 days in a row);- refreshes skin - complexion is shinier if washed with dew; collect the dew two days before Full Moon;- eye pains;- skin damage and wounds;
Rolling into wet grass (dew wet)It is a well-known custom. Animals do it all the time. The grass should be clean, without any splinters or thistles. Dress up into a bathing suit, lay back-down and roll over so that you should get wet all over the body. In the beginning, the exercise should last for only 2-3 minutes (the maximum time is 5 minutes). After you roll over, get dressed with clean clothes (natural cloth) and do not wipe with towel. Then do some jogging exercise to warm your body. It is a perfect remedy. It is mainly recommended in case of skin damage, such as:- psoriasis, epithelium, allergy, and serious dermatosis;- waist line pains (sciatica and lumbar sciatica), kidney and bladder problems (nephritis, pyelo-nephritis, and cistitis);- salpingitis;- chronic rheumatism, muscle pains;- different nervous problems;- psychical and physical asthenia;- sedentary life, appetite disturbance;- slow digestion

Well guys I might just give it a go.... don't know about the rolling bit as I might just meet a Mr. Brown in my garden with 3 doggies in it! But will def try the feet again!

Minging Panic attack in the night again

just a quick log; woke up an hr after sleep with foul panic attack.... laid back down to ignore and then I just felt the old heart start up like an engine... it went faster and faster...couldn't calm down...took a while... ended up taking the dropper off the rescue remedy and drinking it from the bottle which was quite funny....after a few flutterings It all calmed down....hate the night panics! Bought some more nytol for tonight! So fingers crossed x

You know that ME day!!!!!!! Just seen a flyin pig!!!!

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

I just knew it.... when I wanted a ME day...!!!!

Started out fine.. went to my Friends and her son is training to do hair dressing so I asked him to straighten me hair...which is a task as I do have naturally curly hair and lots of it... he did it ( took just over an hour) feel like Pocahontas on steroids but it's a change! ! ! when every morning I usually get up and feel like somot from Greek mythology (Medusa) !

Any way.... I was just chilling, it was about 12pm when me mate got a phone call..her son was playin on his bike ( well messing about) fell off on a spike or somot and literally NEARLY ripped off his knee cap! (SHOWN) he has been in surgery tonight and got to have plastic surgery too. SO ANYWAY......THEN IT BEGAN!!!!! Panic stricken Friend ran out the house to leave her 11 yr old with me till 10.30pm... so for 10 hrs I have been trying to hold myself together for the sake of this family! I really didn't mind it... it was just typical..... anxiety been hideous...tight throat and slow hard thumping heart as If it is going to stop with tension in me chest..........apart from that im ok LOL xxxxxx Tomorrow is another day! Beginning of a new week so fingers crossed.... ! for Us all xxxxx feel like leaving kisses tonight for all the peeps that read my blog daily...Thank you I hope it helps ! It helps me x

Every one wants a piece of me!!!!!!

Gosh... what a demanding day!

9.00am : woke up to find the bath I had put on eBay for a friend of a friend had sold and buyer was kicking a fuss up cos she wanted it delivering so was doing phone calls till 10.am

10.00 : stumbled to kitchen to see pots and washing up to be done from night before and muddy paws prints from doggies on floor, realized had invited the parents and in laws for tea ( Mother in laws B day)

10.20 : Noticed the electric was about to run out and needed to put money in the meter!
10.21 LOL : noticed I had no money to get the electric to put in the meter to cook the tea for the parents and inlaws.

10.30: Went groveling to sister with sob story and she lent me a tenner till pay day Mon ! PHEW

10.45: Went to the shops on me bike crapping me self cos I was on me own! But did it...everyone stopped me and wanted to chat... I was stood freezing outside of every shop listening about stuff from divorces to the old biddy down the road that just pegged it!... I TRY to show interest... must work cos they keep talking..... I have one of those faces ! I always get the village idiot on the bus sitting nr me!

11.45: Remembered need to bake a cake for the tea.......

11.46: Realized I had no eggs to bake the cake

11.47: Back on bike to Friends who has chickens to buy eggs with me last £1.40 as I wont buy from the shop because of Jamie Bloody Oliver who at this point I could poke in the eyes!

11.55: Realized I promised a friend I would pop round to her husband who has just come out of hospital to make sure he is ok as he is still unwell

11.56: I ring him, he is fine...

11.57: I txt her to say wont be going and he is ok

11.57: cross txt,s .. she txts me and says thanks for going to see him I am grateful!!!!!

11.58: rings her to say we just crossed txts ... she is fine wiv it all ! Phew...send libby round with scones!

12.00...... Cook!!!! Clean ....Bake!!! with the help of a Friends 10 yr old who I promise 3.00 on Monday when I get paid..... so that's 13.00 I owe back!

5.00: Bids come for tea and eat morsals..... so I eat more cake than should!

6.00: Mother's brought her rollers and asks me to set her hair...... But!!! Can I wash it first!

6.33: Me child pops in ...ain't seen her properly for 2 days and asks for 1.oo .. she knows I aint got no money till Monday so both Grandmas dig into thier little purses and she gets 2.00 ( thats what she was aiming for)

9.00pm: Paul asks me to make him a cup of tea

9.00 1/2: I tell him to pee off !

Anxiety been ok as I have not had much time to think about it!

Tommorrow is MY day!!!!!!!!!!! never mind God's!!!!!! LOL

STUMPED!!!!!!!!

Well I am...... what a crappy...stupid...stressful...useless day!!!!!My throat has been so tight and chest been so heavy..heart been beating slow and hard like it is going to stop! I intend to make tomorrow a better day! Windows are in thank goodness! PLEASE GOD HELP ME FEEL BETTER TOMO!

short post today as I could cry ... Ill be okay though...used to it! Everyones blog is the flippin same! That's January for you!

Anxiety back to boiling point!!!!! AGGGGHHH!!!!

Woke up in the night with a short panic attack, it didn't last long but it happened...it has upset me... I feel down about it because I keep getting on that road to recovery and them wham! back to the bloody stinkin old start!..... Libby had been a pain in the arse at school yesterday and the teacher gave me a call.. she was wondering around out of lesson... that set me off.. and when she came home she started with us too...HORMONES eh! We ignored her until she was sorry and now everything is fine but it makes things unbalanced in the home when her attitude stinks and when she is a bugger! On the general side she ain't a bad kid, just needs to get over this stage! She has all the support in the world!

Well I was on my own today for a couple of hrs so I baked some macaroons. scones, a lemon cake and some coconut tarts and did a lovely roast dinner with me FREE RANGE! CORN FED CHICKEN!!!! Now then...taste out of 10....was a def' 11...but it had nought on it! it had no breasts! in the human world it would def' be a 32 A! I suppose this is because it wasn't a big fat thing with no exercise! It has been running and playin ball and keeping fit! Gosh...it does more than me (38F cough cough) LOL!!! But it was tasty...so it goes down to the old saying "its quality not quantity"

Well nan nights for now... hope I sleep...gonna do a little bit of online shopping with Adsa tonight can't cope with a shopping trip from hell this week. By the way... new windows will be going in 2 mo as Monday it rained!

Even the stars in the sky can sing? WOW!

Well its true... you learn somot new every day !

Today I went to church with my Mother In Law to help her to clean it as she gives every Wed' up to do so ... bless her! Any how I stayed on with her as in the afternoon they have a ladies meeting... I was fine listening to them with their little bible study and praying for their families etc which was nice... and all of a sudden a wave of panic swam over me and my heart started pounding really fast I thought oh no please ...not here in front of all these ladies... so do you know what I did... I sat there and rode it out... I was so proud of my self for not jumping up and going out of control.

The stars sing!

Any how whilst I was there they were talking about new evidence from scientists regarding the stars in the sky ..... do you know they produce radio waves that when recorded they sound like they are singing... but the more amazing thing was that in the bible in the book of Job...it talks about the stars singing!.... I think this is great! Job is one of the oldest books of the bible and scientists have just found this out!..... might just blow the dust off me bible and catch up on some reading! seems more up to date than any book ever! LOL

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FREIND .... YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!

Isn't it a great saying eh! What would I do without my friends... I have some fab mates, from all walks of life...and I mean ALL!! from aristocratic lunatics to homeless and desperate folk... ! We have a very open home and have between 4-20 visitors a day... they get watered and fed and listened to... I can honestly say I would be a lot worse with my anxiety without these folks in my life.. being the local Avon lady does help! Sometimes it takes me 3 hours to deliver the Avon to 3 houses due to having a good old chin wag!

I started the Avon in November, I made myself do it as I was at the point in my anxiety where I couldn't walk about & around the streets....it really has helped me... I only sell round a couple of streets... I hardly make any money as I spend it in the catalogue! but the therapy has been well worth it!

Piccy is my mate Neil... don't know what I would do without him, I love him to bits, he's a pain in the ass at times but hey so am I..we do have the most fab thing in common ...we both make each other laugh! to the point of crying at times! and share the same warped sense of humour! which helps!

Anxiety level been good... had a bit of a bike ride today... went to allotments to see the flood damage...water is all gone for now...more rain due!

What a soggy day!

Rain rain rain....oh did i mention Rain! THE END OF THE WORLD!!
I cant believe it...the rain we have been having! All my allotment is flooded and all in my little cottage on my allotment is flooded out...geese are loving it and so is hubby...as he is like a little boy when we get lots of rain or snaow!... our house is safe though .. thank the lord! My freind was sat watching tv and all of a sudden water starting seeping through her floor boards! Fire Brigade had to come and pump it out... I swear this world is folding up on its self... well one belief I do have is we as human life might end but Mother nature will always be here to pick up the pieces and start all over again! Sometimes I wonder if we have been here to this extent of technolgy once before... sucked the life sources from the earth like we are doing now till it all ends and starts again.... I sometimes think this because they say the world has been here for millions plus years but we have only come this far in about 130 yrs with things like the wheel,electric,computers, cameras and flying etc! Something to think about eh!Anxiety been a little naughty today! dont know why..prob money worries...as i have none! Bills Rain bills rain! that has been my day! picture is toll bar not far from me!

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We all have a need to be needed...do we?

Had a lovely lovely weekend with freinds and family...felt ok with my anxiety but it's always there in the back ground! only had a few flutters etc.... Had a lodger with us too, one of Pauls freinds became homeless so he slept on the settee.... bless him ..he is ok now and back with his family.. so it was nice to help someone else! In fact I have been helping freinds all wk end too... but I do like it when im needed...we all have the need to be needed don't we! But saying that sometimes it does your head in LOL

Photo is a little bird libby found and cared for until it was well when she was about 7yrs old! I feel like this little bird at times!

Tomorrow I am having 3 new windows in from the council...thank God..after 10 yrs of waiting..so i might take a little photo 2 mo...Lib has been out all wk end and she has been a good girl, growing up alot.... speak 2 mo guys!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

MY MUMMY THE BEST COOK IN THE WORLD

So important to try and take each day as it comes... something I am trying to teach myself..so hard when things are tough but really easy when things are ok! Well today I went to me ma's as she ain't well at all... Libby came with me as she is still off it... cleaned upstairs for me mum and dad...did a real good job for her...as I was cleaning I thought I wish I could do this more for her.. be here for her more & then to make things worse when we were in the kitchen she grabbed my arm and looked at me and cried an little whilst saying...." I miss you Rachel"... God it nearly tore out my heart.... I said "Mum i know... i just ain't been well" ... the words resounded in my own ears...here's my Mother with a bad heart, lungs really bad and taking each day to the limit and enjoying it and I cant come over to see her unless I get a lift cos I cant use the public transport and walk half a mile on my own to see her.....WHAT A BLOODY FAILURE! I just want her to understand but I suppose she ever will ... not her fault...just that's the way it is! My mum is such a strong character.. not much fazes her at all...good soul and a good woman. I love her so much and Dad of course but I am having a mummy moment (LOL)