April fool........ tomo! wonder if this anxiety is all a joke LOL

What a glorious day... I honestly could have got the barbie out (if i had one LOL)...... been a bit down past few days as I aint got a penny... but you know what iv'e never been so busy making everything we eat from scratch.... I havn't bought one processed product since being broke! I make everything... it's cheaper and good for chilling out, cooking abd baking! the only thing is I could do with a hobbit or somot to help with the washing up... I need a dishwasher! (other than Paul)...well it's April fool tomorrow and I am usually the family's biggest prankster...last yr I faked a letter that Paul had been called for human experimentation in Sheffield hospital...he he.... and that his head may swell but they would be giving him 300 quid for the 3 weeks in hospital... he was crapping himself and going mad!!!
LOL ... I really had him.... then another time I rang all of my family and freinds and told them if they rang Morrisons ( I had the number from Yellow paged ready) and told em to say..... "CLUCK CLUCK ....... TURKEY PROMOTIONS" that the person on the other end of the line would know what you were on about and you would win a free turkey and the trimmings for Easter....... so they did... and about 20 people were blocking the switchboard of Retford morrisons!!! I am still laughing about that one...Ohhhh Ive done allsorts I love it!!!!! No one EVER gets me but I am on me gaurd!...... so tonight get thinking of a good un....it aint half satisfying!!! Am I a nasty cow? LOL dont answer that one xxx

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

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In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Regular color broadcasts only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970

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In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

oh guess what it's raining!

Well what started out to be a lovely warm sunny day became a foul wet one!!!! AGAIN! I'm sick of this weather and my little garden is suffering... Today I went to my isters in bircotes to help her sort all her books out in her spare bedroom as she had made a bookcase constuction on the style of bloody humber bridge! Anyway..... when the earthquake happened it collapsed...but today I was like a fart... you know I aint as strong as I used to be..prob lack of excersice LOL... so I ended up sat in the thing with a 6ft 2" thick plank of MDF (hate the word) on me skull and then the lot collapsed on me and hurt me arm real bad...big swollen wrist now... but good news anxiety at min today! So I aint got much to report but just thought I would say Hi to all who enter upon this weird and wonderful place of mine! DONT FORGET TO PUT UR CLOCKS FORWARD GUYS !! xx

My Husband Is Insane!!!!

My Hubby Paul who you have been well aqainted with is completley nuts! I went to Tesco shopping this afternoon and came home and put away the shopping (worst bit of the whole shop) and opened the freezer to find several frozen snowballs in there...... then Paul came in and revealed all when he saw my confused.com face!!! I said "Why?" he explained that the other night when we had a bit of snow and I had gone to bed he decided to get togged up and go outside on the trampaline to collect snowballs to play a trick on his mate ! What he is expecting to do is go to the allotmaent when he is there and throw them on the grass when he is in the shed... he will think giant hailstones have hit his allotment only...Paul likes doing tricks on folk and he will go to some great extremes to get pleasure !! SO when the occasion takes place I shall let you know...the piccy is of my very frosted up freezer when I opened it..i just had to take a pic!!! No wonder I suffer wiv me nerves!!! LOL

PS.. I have the tight chest anxiety back now... when I walk it feels so tight and my throat... need to combat it!!! I really do xxx

A plea from ME

I have got this idea from Sarah and think it's a good one.... I too have many hits a day... and I would love to know who you are..especially from countries like Australia and canada and India...please tell me who you are by leaving a little comment and if you want say what you like about my blog or dislike... Just a little trial...thanks guys...thanks Sarah xxx

I have been tagged !!!

Yes I have been tagged by Coffeecup...
http://stephjgarner.blogspot.com/ She has asked me to take a photo of 5 things which say something about me! And I will be tagging too and the end so watch out!!! So here goes......
Firstly this is of my little front garden this morning... I have taken one of this because number 1.. I ADORE the snow and 2... I love sitting in my garden in the summer with freinds, we can sit out till all hrs and people pass and always have a chat and sometimes a cuppa and a scone or piece of cake...we love it...we light candles and sit all night sometimes!

MY GARDEN

This might look a strange one... this is the most fav' room in my house "MY KITCHEN" this is a place of creativeness and solitude, also a place of entertainment and people always sit in my kitchen with a cuppa and something to eat, I have been told many a secret it my kitchen, it is a warm cosy room.

I am not a girlie girlie shoey person, living in a rural area and havin an allotment I often need me wellies...these are me fav' wellies and had em on today for the snow....

This is me doing me fav' thing "baking" this is me with me easter cake and buns... baking is a great way to release stress and I love seeing my family and freinds likeing my food!

This is the epicentre!!!! LOL I spend most of my night in this bed as me and Paul sleep seperate now due to the panic attacks in the night so I always pull up that chair in the piccy and set me lap top on at the side of me all nite.... some of you guys only post after 12am so I need it LOL. Note my little piggy behind the lap top, he is ace... paul bought him me when I was 16 when we were caughting! I can not sleep with out him, and If I go on holiday so does he...he has been allover...I love him..his name is "Piggy"

This is an extra one as I think it is funny... One night when we were in the garden I asked my friend to take a photo of me and Paul...she was slightly drunk and she was convinced were in fully in the frame... so me and Paul did two big grins and this is what come out.. the funny thing is you just know who it is cos of a fluffy head and a baldy one ...Love it!!!

I quite enjoyed that... so now I need to tag 2 more people... so I tag GARY http://livingwith-gad.blogspot.com/ and also ROBERT
http://mywifehasagoraphobia.blogspot.com/ have a go guys...... no presuure lol.... xx

Can't seem to get a grip

What is it I ask myself?...why can't I get a grip with this life?... what is it?...what's troubling me?... the answer to these questions is ... I DONT KNOW !!! Feel like screaming from the top of the highest point.... Please give me the massive key to the heavy ladened door out of this trapped, secluded existance....what annoys me is I have suffered this for yrs and got better, never to think I would be here again!!! I have always suffered with the anxiety but have always had the strength to combat it or at least keep it under control... So what is happening now!! I can't go down to the shops on my own and I'm talking 1/4 of a mile! I hate being left on my own, I can't go out for a meal with freinds and enjoy myself.... Can't go far on holidays... Can't can't can't...... !!!!! That's all I feel!!! Like a big Can't!!! The only answer is to start a programme with myself....Little bit each day with back up... Been talking to Paul about getting an electric bike, then If I go further on my own and I feel dodgyI can hit the button and it will glide me home..... Most of my anxiety is to do with the palpitations and ectopic heart beats...if they would go it would be fantastic...... I had them yrs ago for 2 yrs solid everyday... every other beat... and they went. ! I can do it.... Or can I ???????????????????????????????????????
SORRY TO BE MORBID GUYS XXXXXX

Moan week ! LOL

Today i am joining my fellow bloggers in a good old farty moan!!!!! It seems to be in the air... must be the weather...as I sit here on me bed all I can hear is the battering of the March winds on everything in the back garden... poor old ferrets are huddled together again in their little nests outside...tomorrow I am gonna put a couple of old jumpers in there. So what can I moan about...... there is this crappy weather although if we have some Easter snow I will enjoy that.... No money..still...! Still fat!!! and still stressed!! Gosh that wind!! it's quite frightening!...to top it off I have been sleeping next to five big easter eggs for a wk now...well tonight it has over come me (must be the weather) and I have had a little bit of an egg and a flake!!! so now I need me rennies! Right ..thats me moanin done...feel better for it!! thanks for listening..off to bed now..got ma n pa coming tomo for fish n chips ( for good Fri for Mother with irish/catholic superstition) So gotta go bed as got lots to do xxx

Busy little bee

Well today I have been Like a little busy bee for the first time in ages...been doing me Avon (been out 3 times) and also done some washing at me sisters whilst she in Spain with Loverboy.... yes, washer still not done...must be about 5 weeks now, but apparently they are coming within the next few days! They better be!!!...I have been here there and everywhere on me little bike..feel like I have achieved a few things, had a few episodes of palps etc, ......I dont have no inspiring comments to make tonight. Libby is at my Mothers so she will be well fed and having a laugh, me and Paul are watching tv and chilling, im gonna pop off in the bath with me rose petals........ and then watch Gordon Ramseys nightmares...love it ..I just wish he did'nt swear as much..... Our naked neck eggs are in the post from Essex so the incubator will be set tomo and life will begin for the ugly buggers! Nan nights xxx

Tapping me way to sanity!!!!!!

Right guys...i'm desperate....need help... I have been searching the net for answers on a alternative therapy for panic.... I have come across a very strange thing called "tapping" otherwise known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) It looks strange but is based on Old chinese accupuncture therapy... I am in the process of downloading an e book to see how to do this properly as I have been tapping me self silly with out really knowing what I am doing and every site I have been on has a guy with white hair and white teeth and a great big smile wanting your money who has bought himself an American doctorite title! But the stories look good. Here is a you tube video below so see what you think and if any of you know anything about it please leave me a comment

Im all a flutter!!!!

Had a day of flutters/palpatations..... I have days like this then days without... prob cos the party is over and I am coming down from all the adrenaline of it all...but it was good!

It is the beginging of the holidays which means some nice lie in's and some nice Easter eggies! .... Me and Paul have decided that we are going to get some more chickens for the allotment, we used to have chickens for yrs but the fox cleared us out and we just couldnt afford to start up again...so we are going to buy some eggs(as it's cheaper) and a freind of our's is lending us an incubator so Paul has chosen the breed he want's............. he has only chose the uglyest buggers in the whole bloody chicken world! Transylvanian Naked Necks ( shown in picture) He loves ugly stuff like vultures, bulldogs...etc...God I bet im a right moose!!!!! LOL !!!! So this is somot to look forward to....... Right peeps im off...hope I sleep, not had flutters for a while now so think they are over.....STRESS!!!!! nan nights xxxxxxxxx

Oh What A night!!!!! FANTASTIC!

WOW!!!! Never posted last night as it was late when I got to bed and I was Knackered and I SLEPT!!!! I felt so normal, no panic, no bad palps...only thing that really got me heart pounding is when I rreally gave it what for on the bodhran ( irish drum)It's actually a good work out!!!.... Paul was fantastic on the harmonica and I played a little tune on my guitar "you may travel far from your own native home".... My great freinds Andrea and Cal came in the morning and helped me prepare the food and cook it too, although Paul did the stew....this was the menu... Guiness and Steak stew, Colchannon (which is mashed potatoes with shredded green cabbage, spring onions, bacon and half a pint of cream and good wedge of irish butter), soda bread and caramalised onions, for pud we had Baileys cheesecake and Bannoffee Pie (made by myself...stunning) ... and lots of flowing guinness and whisky and I had some lovely Alcohol free Pear cider...was lovely! So we played and sang untill 1am. We like the gusets to join in so we always get other easy instruments out like the spoons, bones and even the old wash board came out which was funny...... and Linda sat in the corner and at the end of every song rang an old bar bell we had... It was a great nite...loved it...anxiety free after a while of getting into it...Even Libby and her freinds came and enjoyed it too....... which was nice as I want Lib to inherit the love of the irish folk and English folk too.....

Any how for dinner we have the left overs YUM!!! so thats been my day yesterday...Thanks Robert for the comment (what's the translation of that!)....bye guys

In memory of nanny Liz and Grandad Mike Collins to celebrate the wonderful people, the Irish!

Anxious about what???????

Do you ever sit and think to your self...What is it? what am I anxious about....there are people with NOTHING! and people so ill! Why does my body give off this fear and terror warning signals as if the 3rd world war is about to happen.... it's as if my body is stuck in this mode and wont get out of it...... If I could only explain HOW FED UP I AM at waking up in the night with my heart pounding and racing for what?!?.....Nought!....well had a goodish day, shopping but went so early this morning so I felt ok, im better in the morning but before I eat as I get loads of palps after eating and that makes me panic!....So tommorow I am busy getting the house ready for Irish night Sat.... Nervous but excited, I have my good freinds Andy and Cal to help me all day sat to prepare the food. So signing off folks...nighty nights!heres on e of my fav songs by one of my fav artsits "Christy Moore" with John Spillane.....enjoy... the song actually means nothing but is ace and really tribal/folk/irish

Stop the world... I wanna get off!!!

Do you eva have that feeling....... I need a break from all this anxiety shite! Been really upset today cos of my poor mummy and daddy, they are still in shock! The car was found a mile away and burnt to the ground.... My dad said he don't care about the car it's the stuff inside like Mum's disability badge and some other stuff...but these Bastards dont give a shite who they hurt, this is the tosser of a society that we live in..... Proud to be British my arse!!!!!!

Well I never slept to good... fought an attack...did it though....although I had been in such a temper I thought I might have been climbing the walls with panic. Well I look forward to my guitar comin 2 mo...... I used to tinkle when I was 18 or so..... I really want to pick it up again and give it a go! So Paul will have to suffer for a while, then again I have to listen to him on the banjo as he is learning! We do both play the irish drm (Bodhran) ad actually need to get some practice in for my "St Patrick's" party sat night! We always have a paddy's night, I cook Irish food and we sing and dance and play instruments till early hrs... thank God for great neighbours!...all amatuar but who cares ...we enjoy it!

Signing off... nan nights peeps!

What a bloody birthday!!! Might have to av another!

Well I woke up in the night having the usual heart attack again...heart pounding fast, went to bathroom, cold flannel, then got onto the cold wooden floor in my bedroom to calm down to wait for heart to stop paddying and BANG!! Hit me head on the wooden bed post...guess what..it works, forgot about heart and started thinkin about me head! Im laid on the floor, naked, with a flannel in one hand, other hand on me sore head and rescue remedy at me side, I looked up at the clock on the wall.....2am...I said "Happy Birthday Rach "..... so in the end I calmed down.
7 am got Libby up for school as she had an exam (1st GCSE) science, told her to have a bananana to help the old grey matter, 1 hr later her grandma rang...lib's is coming home ..her exam finished early...i ring lib...was easy mum, you only had to tick a few boxes....school phone me...why was lib not at her exam...i ring lib...school say you wernt there lib, I was mum, are you telling me the truth lib...of course mum... PAUSE>>>>> No mum i wasnt there i lied...was scared..walked out...I ring school back sorry your right..she wasnt..felt a right twat with a capital T!....... SO then Mother rings... HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUV!!!! tells me when she finishes at the hospital at 12 she is coming for me to go to Retford to spend some birthday money! wait till 3.30..Mother rings... they kept her in at the hospital to do laser treatment on her cornea! She has a doner cornea from a dead persons eye! and it has shrunk..could only happen to her, but your not allowed to mention its from a dead person or she might get haunted according to her....(eyes are windows to the soul and all that) so In the eve it was nice and chilling.. friends came with some lovely cards and gifts...Paul bought me a bag of maltesers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! till Thurs pay day! Why couldnt he have got me somot last Thurs pay day ( MEN ).... So any how...just as I was thinking about retiring at about 10.40pm...phone call from Sister..Dad has had his little car stolen from Garden and he is in bed shaking under the covers and Mum has pains in her chest......... Cant believe it.... Anxiety straight out the window..kill mode!...Dad 78...Mum...72... had lead taken of roof 3 months ago and attempted theft of prev' car few weeks ago..... I phone my nephew (ex boxer...never lost a fight) to get arse out and look ... I get me pink spotty wellies on and get ready for Neil to come for me...get Lib ( exam abscondor....cant spell) out of bed to help..need her eyes!....Im on the rampage...fuming!!!!!!!! Paul pissed after celebrating MY birthday... spent more on himself than me so he styed in bed wiv mouth open catching flies! ... Go the 7 miles to Mum... spend an hr going around every street...find nothing! Felt bloody Usless... SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACH!!!!!!! Apart from all that....it was ok!!!!! :0)
PS...like my new guitar Im buying with my B day money?

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman!!!!!!

This is one for the ladies, .......... Had the most awful day, in agony with Ladies pain, the worst for years, in fact this morning it was that bad I thought there was something wrong with me and I started to cry thinking I might have to go to the doctors or hospital but it has passed now and I am just worn out, I aint had a scrap of makeup on today which is so not me... and i aint got dressed either.... Neil came like a night in shining armour with the most sickly stunning chocolate cake... just the fix i needed, it even had little chocolate eggs on it, so he was in the good books, he stayed with me for a while whilst Paul took doggies for a walk. Well I hope I am better for tommorrow as it is my birthday tomo.... THIRTY PIGGIN SIX!!!! where is it going!

So short post ... need chocolate so bye!!!! LOL

Anxiety Ahoy!!!!!

Had a better day, and last night I awoke , panicked and rode the panic out on my bed without leaping up ( claire weeks tell you to do that)......

So today Libby, Neil and myself went to visit an old village I used to live in called Beckingham, It was where all my panic attacks and agrophobia began, I was 20 yrs old and had a breakdown there due to being 25 miles from home in an area which was very upperclass (not me) and had no car and both had no jobs as there was 1 bus a day... the council put us there as a temperary measure but then woudlnt move us...we ended up being there for 2.5 yrs and got a swap in the end... I have never really been right since... but there is one statement I will make... I was 100% worse there... I had several major panic attacks a day... and ectopic beats of the heart every 3rd beat for 18 months! So i can get better... this past 10 months of my life has been the worst since then!

SO to continue with today.... we went a river were I used to go as a child and we found a dredger boat so of course me and libby had a jump on there as no-none was around... ended up at my sisters house for a couple of hours...part chilled, part stressed! Was anxious doing these things but the good thing is that I did them!....... Libby is in the piccy on the boat today.

Hopefully sleep will come tonight xxxx

Too scared to sleep!

Had anoter one last night... not half as bad but it woke me up at 1am (again) and I didn't sleep again till 3am.even heard birds starting!!.... so tonight I am gonna sleep with me window open for cool (freezing lol) air... to try to keep me half alert... hormones are flying allover the place...feel like a bloody teenager! ...well we will see how I go.... done lots of sorting out cupboards etc today so feel beter for that!

PLEASE GOD LET ME SLEEP!!!!!!!!

Huge Panic attack last night FED UP!!!!

Just an update.... woke up at 1.10am with heart going like clappers.... ended up laying on the kitchen floor with the back door open ...it just wouldnt calm down.... I tried to take my pulse it was banging around 163 beats per min..... I couldnt breath...like I had done a work out... I even shouted to paul ... he ran down stairs and I said ..get an ambulance Paul... i think this is it... he put his hand on my chest and said Rach... its gone faster than that before...its anxiety....come on love your ok... I emptied the contents of my handbag on the table shaking and got my rescue remedy out... with in 2 mins it started calming down....few flutters but not alot..... then all over..as If nothing had happened! then the shakes set in...as always as the adrenaline leaves the body... went back to sleep..feel fine this morning..... I ate far to much crap before going to bed! just thought I would tell you of my night xxxx

Day out with the Old's

Had a lovely day, me and Libby went out with me Ma "n" Pa.... started off Dad picked us up at 11am and went to get Mum and put me washing in her machine as Mine still aint sorted....waiting for parts to come from Italy! Then we went to Missin Mill warehouse where you can get food soooooooooo cheap..stuff that has a short sell by date... I got a trolly full of food for £9.45....great! Then off we went for fish n chips and parked up nr the lakes to eat it! Then to the large pet shop in Bawtry, bought hamster a few treats and a new ball... then on to sisters to end the day! ANxiety med..... no panics But I have eaten too much tonight..gobblin chocs galore from the warehouse today! NAUGHTY !!!!!!! so its a short one tonight sorry guys! Tired! and stuffed!!!! LOL

Any one got a sledge hammer?

Well today I thought I would be brave annd pop down the street to pay me avon as its the last day today to pay but I had no one to go with me so I had a bright idea to take rueben my 26" high PUPPY!!! On me bike... I thought he can walk while ride, Just hope he dont see a cat or ill be going about 70 mile an hr down the bloody road! But no ...all went ok ... I even bought him a sausage roll from cooplands .. LOL but then when it was time to go back up the road to home ...I stood there on the street and then it happened......it was as if someone had come with a load of bricks and cement like somot from a cartoon and built a brick wall all around me....PANIC...HEART POUNDING!! I thought right... get on that bike and pedal...so I did..broke throught the wall and headed home aware of my heart having one ectopic beat after the other... i fell in the door and laid on the floor heart pounding and missing beats and extra ones ... LOL ..like a bloody big brass band in me chest... I rang my mummy...with in 2 mins everything had returned to normal...like nought had happened!!

I was pleased with my self as I nearly called into my friends, miranda but I thought no, dont be defeated Rach just ignore the beats its nothing! and I calmed down pretty quick! so i broke the wall! yippie!

Wishing Good Luck to Our Freind Andy

We have had a sorrowful couple of days due to a freind of ours being taken into hospital with the most awful haemorrhage of the pancreas... he is diabetic and had transplant of kidneys and pancreas which both failed after a few years (new pancreas failed last yr) and he has been bleeding heavily from it yesterday and today, His wife My fab freind Sharon (who I have known only a couple of yrs, but hit it off like sisters) has been so supportive and goes through such an ordeal.... I have never known a man with so much wrong with him and I NEVER hear a moan or a winge from his mouth! He is a VERY brave man and we as a family wish him all the love and health in the world as he has a massive operation tomorrow to remove the dead pancreas in surgery in Manchester Hospital... below is a link to thier blog .... Brave brave people... and I worry over nothing, puts things into perpective when things like this happens. SO GOOD LUCK ANDY!!!!!!

http://www.lifewithdialysis.blogspot.com/

Also Had a lovely Mothers day, Thank you Libby for making my day special...with lovely chocs and flowers and breakfast made and a pamper! Love you darling ! xxxx

Piccy is Andy n Sharon xxxx