Friday, 21 March 2008

Can't seem to get a grip


What is it I ask myself?...why can't I get a grip with this life?... what is it?...what's troubling me?... the answer to these questions is ... I DONT KNOW !!! Feel like screaming from the top of the highest point.... Please give me the massive key to the heavy ladened door out of this trapped, secluded existance....what annoys me is I have suffered this for yrs and got better, never to think I would be here again!!! I have always suffered with the anxiety but have always had the strength to combat it or at least keep it under control... So what is happening now!! I can't go down to the shops on my own and I'm talking 1/4 of a mile! I hate being left on my own, I can't go out for a meal with freinds and enjoy myself.... Can't go far on holidays... Can't can't can't...... !!!!! That's all I feel!!! Like a big Can't!!! The only answer is to start a programme with myself....Little bit each day with back up... Been talking to Paul about getting an electric bike, then If I go further on my own and I feel dodgyI can hit the button and it will glide me home..... Most of my anxiety is to do with the palpitations and ectopic heart beats...if they would go it would be fantastic...... I had them yrs ago for 2 yrs solid everyday... every other beat... and they went. ! I can do it.... Or can I ???????????????????????????????????????
SORRY TO BE MORBID GUYS XXXXXX

6 comments:

SarahC♥ said...

Hi there Rachel Hughes...
Why is it that we always focus on what we can't do? You should be saying...wow...i can go 1/4 mile, thats a lot better than that bird from the blog Chatter from the crapper....lol, she can't walk 2 minutes!
Don't be so down on yourself. Sometimes things do seem like they've hit a brick wall, i hit mine about 18 months ago...and yeah...it's taken all my confidence. Anyway, if you've got better once hun...you CAN/WILL do it again :)

Sarah♥

portugal coimbra said...

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Rachel's Diary said...

Sarah you are absolutly correct , thanks for that lovely message xx

Coffeecup said...

The bike sounds great! Go for it hun! We just do remember the negative things for some reason. All day panic free, then one upset and it's on our minds for days after. I know exactly how you feel, though your fear is different to mine. Try exercising and forcing your heart to beat fast on purpose when you're in a safe place, then notice how much in control you are when it happens. See that the effects are the same as what triggers panic. Not harmful, just there. It may help????? Chin up kiddo, you always have something positive to say even when you're upset. You'll beat this again. xxx

Rachel's Diary said...

Thanks all... xxxx what would I do without you ? xx

xxhazexx said...

reading your diary sounds just like me :(