Saturday, 2 February 2008

I am sooo ashamed of myself!!!!

These bloody panic attacks can sure make you seem a selfish cow...... today I was sat watching tv feeling a little anxious when Paul jumped up and said Oh Rach an ambulance has pulled up next door...well the guy next door is very poorly and on dyalisis but also...I have a real phobia of anything like Doctor's or Ambulances etc I just went into total panic... I couldnt get my breathing into gear at all then the heart started one eptopic beat after the other.. I could actually feel it in my pulse a missed beat but then a beat nr my stomach...just so typical ectopic....I laid on the floor pretending the ambulance wasn't there...then my freind came in and said "are you ok Rach" I felt a right selfish cow laid there in a state when someone next door was so far worse off than me at that moment... My hubby actually said "GET A GRIP RACH" which really upset me as he thought I was being selfish...but he should know I dont have that type of nature.... I cant help how my body reacted...I wish I could...the more I tried the worse it got..stupid irrational fear that they were gonna come in for me because I was gonna die!!!! After about 15 mins of this I actually felt the adrenaline work it's way out and leave my body like the dust settling after the storm my heart just went straight back to normal..... Any way as it happened.. it wasn't the guy next door it was his little son .. he had jumped on the trampiline and landed funny on his leg and snapped his fibia and tibia... bless him.... Please all me freinds kids are snapping limbs at the moment!!!!! SO I am UPSET,MAD and generally disapointed with myself but who do I blame for this ! GOD? or ME? or is it just MY SHORT STRAW!!!


Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel Rach! it' not as if youve done it by choice, it is health anxiety/panic.
and you can't help it!
There is only the likes of us that understand!

Take care
Gary xxx

Rachel's Diary said...

You are soooo right Gary,,,Thanks..hoping for a better week. Altough it is a hormonal week and I am usualy worse but we will see.... And I also think I need to eat a little healthier as I think diet does have somot to do with anxiety...wil try and cutdown this week xx

Simon said...

Hi Rachel. You don't need to blame anyone or anything. Nor is it the short straw. It's quite normal to panic when an ambulance parks up outside your house - it's just that your 'panic button' is a little more responsive than most. As you will be aware, panic and anxiety are normal responces but become prolematic when they occur unassociated with any apparent trigger. I feel that your anxiety here would have been far less disabling if the situation had involved someone you had personal responsibility for. As it was, you were only a bystander/neighbour and so your anxiety couldn't find the right channel or beused for its real purpose. That's fine. That's ok. That's normal. In fact it's just that feeling that compels people to hang around accidents. People think they're just being nosey and gawping but really they are just worried and concerned and don't have a away of dealing with it other than waiting around to find out more.
Todays anxiety stems from being concerned about the guy next door. That's a nice thing for a neighbour to be. x

Coffeecup said...

Hi Rachel, I don't blame you, please don't feel guilty or ashamed. Far from the it being a normal event, the sight of an ambulance is a massive trigger. Anyone who would see this at a neighbours house would have a marked increase in their anxiety levels, and as you suffer with panic it is quite unremarkable that these alarm instincts would produce a severe reaction in your body. The point is that you learned something from this, that you faced a fear and calmed down from it. If one pulled up tomorrow the chances are your reaction wouldn't be as frightening. If it happened on a daily basis you wouldn't think twice about it. It is the fact that this is out of the ordinary and associated with alarm that you were triggered. So please don't be too hard on yourself x

Rachel's Diary said...

thanks for all ur comments ...what would i do with out u all now LOL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...


Great to find your blog via BeingSarahC's.

I am looking forward to reading your posts.

We have a lot in common it seems.

Oh, BTW, I totally panic whenever anything "medical" happens. Real triggers for me, too.

(I also have a handful of pets. Aren't animals great?)