Sunday, 10 February 2008

Time Flies...... Back to Monday!

Gosh don't time fly over the wk end when your enjoying it! I love it because you can be lazy with out the guilt, Its a family time, Sat afternoon Libby spent with me a little quality time which I loved... I love her company, she is growing up now... we can talk about stuff more. Sat night was great, had peeps over for supper and a laugh with Irish music and stories... lifted my spirits.... Then today I was gonna do a car boot with Neil but we (I) decided it was too cold and we should wait until the big yellow thing in the sky lets off a bit of heat as there is nought worse than being cold and standing in the same old spot, but we did decide to go and have a look round...got about 150 tomatoes for £1.50 (soup all week LOL) and a massive bag of sprouts to feed about 25 people (£1) These are the benifits of living in Yorkshire!!! Cheap! You can actually JUST afford to live...altough the gas and electric is crippling me at the moment as we are on a meter for both and they charge you more for it! Sods Law! Well I have felt pretty crap since this afternoon I have had flutters all afternoon going into this eve! Dont know why... just feel really tight and anxious inside! I havnt really had a good week with panic attacks..had quite a few!! Oh...when is it gonna end! I hate it! I sooooo want to be better, Its not me ... I like to be out and walking round the feilds with my dogs and hubby but that part of the village is like a NO NO!! It's like I see a mental boundry around me ... never mind begining of a new wk...Lets try again! Pauls Birthday tomo .. he is 37 (old git) so will have a nice day I hope! I will cook him a nice dinner, might bake a little cake! Nan Nights all....hope you missed me last night... I did LOL If you can miss your self! Felt a little lost not posting! but was too tired ...xxxxxxxxxx

6 comments:

Gary said...

wow sounds like a good car boot! i love sprouts! lol
i've felt a bit iffy tonight! some old familiar signs coming back! i hope you get a better week Rach, youve had it a bit rough lately!

take care xxxx

Simon said...

Hi Rachel. Sticking my nose in heare... Reading your back blog entries and your current descriptions, I'm wondering if you have ever had a 24-hour ECG to exclude a cardiac arrythmia. To complicate things Panic Disorder can present as an overpowering feeling of doom BUT, anxiety (not often at the panic level) can also trip someone with a pre-existing arrythmia into a full display of symptoms. As someone who has both condistions, I am aware of the similarity in how they resent and feel but also of the different ways of dealing with it. Just wondered

Rachel's Diary said...

Well I suppose this is my fear having something wrong but the greatest fear is actually getting in the surgery...TERRIFIED!!! But something deep down makes me feel it is anxiety as I get them when i am at my most stressed.or when i panic..also I had them yrs ago...worse than this and they went... would a heart condition come and go...In fact I had them as a child! (due to rough child hood) Been to the doctor about them twice ...listened to heart, spoke about it and said all symptoms of anxiety. But I know what you are saying, Neil menioned about your self so I can understand your concerns...The last time i went to the doctors 6yrs ago and got the all clear, the palps left the next day until last yr after loads of stress! I suppose even the weird heart beats with stress is a kind of benign arrythmia..... Its a vicious circle fear breeds fear!!!!!

Simon said...

Hi Rachel. Arrythmia develops over a period of time. I actually had my first episodes when a teenager and have intermittantly increased and got worse; the evening and nights being the difficult period. My brother is just starting his so it seems we have the same (but not necessarily) prob. The reason I mention it is that that it is far more usual with PD to have a regular but rapid heartbeat, although ectopics are also normal for some people. It's the regularity of the event which I think is important and seems to be associated with periods when you are not encountering direct stress as well. It's worth mustering the courage and getting it checked as it is easily treatable and that's about quality of life. Sorry about all this - I don't usually stick my nose in this far into others business lol!

Rachel's Diary said...

i wish it were that easy.... i do only get this with stress and anxiety though hun for def!!! when relaxed etc i am fine... plus its in me head 24 7 but when i have moments i forget - nothing!!! /i have a friend who has the same comes and goes with stress... she had tests in london hospital.... stress!!!! i get em too if i get a shock or ought like bad news\etc... if they got any worse i would have to go wouldnt I.... shit im starting to panic now.... hope i aint gonna drop dead ere!

Rachel's Diary said...

i wish it were that easy.... i do only get this with stress and anxiety though hun for def!!! when relaxed etc i am fine... plus its in me head 24 7 but when i have moments i forget - nothing!!! /i have a friend who has the same comes and goes with stress... she had tests in london hospital.... stress!!!! i get em too if i get a shock or ought like bad news\etc... if they got any worse i would have to go wouldnt I.... shit im starting to panic now.... hope i aint gonna drop dead ere!